I sat on the sofa, frozen this morning. Six months in and living in the house, this week finally got to me. There is so much I’m trying to balance alongside the house renovation, including job worries and managing Sam’s school move. Being an AuDHD parent of an ND kid with higher needs, then a move to a different local authority is a whole different ball game. Amongst all that, I’m still having to decide on paint colours, flooring, lighting, and even what to have for dinner, and it’s all too much to think about. So this morning, decision paralysis hit.
We should have been finished by now; we should have been sitting in a completely refurbished farmhouse, enjoying the results. But as we all know, renovations always take longer than expected and cost more. Add to that the listed building consent, and it was never going to happen on time. So, as it stands, we have two completed bathrooms and two completed bedrooms, and that’s about it. Even then, there is still snagging and decoration to complete on them. Everywhere is covered in dust, and we can never find what we are looking for.
AuDHD & Perimenopause Brain
Up until now, I’ve been okay. The organising and trying to manage everything have been manageable, but over the last few weeks, it’s started to become a bit much. The constant noise whilst trying to work. The interruptions to sort an issue/answer a question whilst trying to focus on another task are so difficult for my brain. The fact that everything has taken longer than planned means jobs are no longer all working together in order. I’m finding it hard to remember decisions I made several months ago. Whilst also having to make quick decisions to ensure you don’t hold something up. My brain feels scattered and foggy, and this morning I couldn’t do anything. The paralysis was real…
I’m trying to find my new normal. Living in a farmhouse mid-renovation is not normal. Part of me craves company, and I have amazing friends and family who’ve come to see me. But I also need space and quiet. Generally, you’d get this through the week when you’re at work, and your kids are at school. But of course, I’m living in a house full of workmen, and Sam hasn’t been at school full-time since term 1 of Year 7. He’s due to go into Year 10 in Sept…
I’m trying to balance my social side with the need for quiet all over each weekend. Thankfully, the village gives me just the right amount of social time and quiet time; it really is the perfect tonic. A lovely morning walk with Daisy along the river and through duck pond, is enough to clear my head and remove the paralysis. A quick cuppa or glass of bubbles at one of the cafes, or in the pub, to catch up with the locals.
Gotta Love a Deadline!
So, this week, it’s all about continuing with the Kitchen and Boot Room. Making some decisions in regard to the Dining Room and Master Bedroom. With our eldest coming back from Uni at the end of the month, it’s also given us a deadline for getting the next two bedrooms at least furnished! Whilst I couldn’t sleep last night with everything whirring around in my head, this morning I took time to write everything down and make a list. If there is one thing an AuDHD brain loves, it’s a tight deadline. And if there’s one thing my husband needs, it’s a boot up his bum and a list of jobs to do!
Time to knuckle down, pull up my big girl pants and get on with this. But there is one thing I know, when it all gets too much, a walk in this beautiful village is enough to sort my head out. How do you get yourself out of that decision paralysis?
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