How Felicity Finds

Author: faystephenson

  • I had postnatal depression, undiagnosed ADHD, and no idea the two were connected. This is what happened — and why it matters for every woman diagnosed too late.

    I had postnatal depression, undiagnosed ADHD, and no idea the two were connected. This is what happened — and why it matters for every woman diagnosed too late.

    This post discusses postnatal depression, undiagnosed ADHD, and suicidal crisis. If you are struggling right now, please reach out to PANDAS on 0808 1961 776 or Samaritans on 116 123 before reading on. You are not alone.

    Maternal Mental Health Week: the ADHD and PND connection that almost cost me my life.

    As I sit in the new house, surrounded by chaos yet warmed by a hot cup of tea, I can reflect on how far I’ve come. Almost two decades ago, I was in a very different place. But this isn’t meant to be a sad story, far from it. This is a story of a mother with undiagnosed adhd and postnatal depression, who fought hard, coming out not only stronger, but gentler on herself too.

    With two boys under two, I found motherhood hard. I wasn’t a confident mum, but at least by the time I had my second, I had a bit of a routine going. Looking back, I can totally see the signs of the AuDHD. I clung to Gina Ford and the routine, but I also found it hard to organise myself and the boys. I couldn’t do more than 1 ‘thing’ in a day, and looked in awe and horror at friends who could visit friends and family, and fit in an activity all in the same day. But as the months went on, any feelings I had started to become numb, and any joy that had been there had gone.

    Not an easy journey

    I was lonely; I had moved away from family and friends, and didn’t drive at the time. And with two under two, it wasn’t the easiest to get on a bus and go out. I withdrew and spent more and more time at home. My husband had a busy social life playing golf and squash, so he would be out a lot of evenings and weekends. I knew it would be tiring, but it was beyond that; I was exhausted, constantly. I quite often felt as if I wasn’t really there, or felt nothing at all. Feeling so alone, so out of my depth, and so miserable, utterly, utterly miserable, at what should be one of the happiest moments of your life.

    Over the coming months, nothing seemed to get easier; I was still struggling, still found the day-to-day difficult. Still felt nothing. I began clawing at my skin to try and feel something. My forehead was often raw and bleeding, covered by a long fringe. I began to question everything, especially my ability to be a good mother and wife. I had very little contact with friends and family and hid away from the world. The final straw was not being able to attend a family event because the OH was playing golf. That night was my lowest point, and I honestly felt that everyone would be better off without me.

    A wake-up call – literally!

    I woke the next morning, which I wasn’t expecting at all. The weight of what had happened hit home immediately, and I knew I needed to get help. I was diagnosed with postnatal depression and immediately put on antidepressants and went to therapy. At this point, the connection to ADHD hadn’t been made. We all still saw it as something that affected young boys. And while we are now talking much more about the connection between the hormonal shift of perimenopause and ADHD, we still talk less about the connection between PND and ADHD. I wish I’d known then what I know now about the hormone crash and the dopamine dysregulation, the specific vulnerability of undiagnosed ADHD women in the postpartum period.

    Women with ADHD are significantly more likely to experience severe postpartum mental health difficulties. And girls are consistently diagnosed later than boys — often not until adulthood, often not until a crisis. The cost of that delay is not academic. Consistently conducted research shows that oestrogen plays a significant role in dopamine regulation. The crash in oestrogen after birth is particularly hard for women with ADHD, diagnosed or not. There is a direct correlation between estrogen and dopamine levels, as this article from ADDitude shows.

    ADHD and postnatal depression

    Not only does the postpartum period exacerbate the symptoms of ADHD, but women with ADHD are at significantly elevated risk of postnatal depression. The combination of sleep deprivation, hormonal disruption, and sensory overload creates a ‘perfect storm’ for women who are already working harder than most to manage. The PANDAS Foundation has some fantastic resources on this very topic.

    For me, the recovery was slow, but by the time I had my third child, 7 years later, I was armed with knowledge. I still didn’t know then about my AuDHD, but I was confident and aware enough to be gentler on myself. To understand that, I found parenthood, for whatever reason, harder than most. Who knows what that early experience would have been like for me (and the boys) had I been armed with a diagnosis and support. We know that women who have a diagnosis report significant improvement in self-understanding, self-compassion and feel able to ask for support.

    Research and awareness

    If we can improve research and continue to raise awareness, we can ensure diagnosis before motherhood. So new mothers with ADHD can enter the postpartum period with awareness, coping strategies and support from family, friends and healthcare professionals. That is not a small thing. For some women, it would be the difference between surviving and not.

    Now, nearly 20 years later, it took my youngest’s journey with AuDHD, and me hitting perimenopause, to realise my own diagnosis of AuDHD. Suddenly, everything made sense. The periods of major hormonal fluctuations in a woman’s life were all the times when I had particularly struggled. If you are currently struggling, know you are not alone, and be kind to yourself. There is support available now (see the resources at the end of this article). If you, like me, are now coming/or are out the other end, well done! It wasn’t easy, but we are stronger because of it.

    This is my direct call to healthcare professionals, GPs, CAMHs, etc., to really take note of the importance of early diagnosis, especially in women and girls. It’s not something that will just help them as they get older; it could literally save their lives.

    Fay x

    If anything in this post has resonated with you, or if you are struggling with your mental health right now, please reach out. You do not have to manage this alone.

    In crisis now: Samaritans — 116 123 (free, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week) or samaritans.org

    Postnatal depression support: PANDAS Foundation — 0808 1961 776 or pandasfoundation.org.uk

    ADHD diagnosis and support: ADHD UK — adhduk.co.uk | ADHD Foundation — adhdfoundation.org.uk

    Maternal mental health: Association for Postnatal Illness — apni.org

    For neurodivergent women specifically: Neurodivergent Women — neurodivergent-women.org

    If you think you or someone you love may have undiagnosed ADHD, please speak to your GP. You deserve a diagnosis. You deserve the right support. And if your GP doesn’t listen, you are entitled to ask again.

  • Farmhouse Friday #2 — the kitchen arrived. We were not ready.

    Farmhouse Friday #2 — the kitchen arrived. We were not ready.

    Farmhouse Friday – The Kitchen

    Disclosure: this post contains affiliate links. If you purchase through my links I may earn a small commission, at no extra cost to you. I only ever recommend products I use and genuinely believe in.

    I’d planned the kitchen renovation down to the tee. Spent hours/days (yep, really!) measuring, re-measuring and planning the kitchen by myself. We’d known for over a month what week it would arrive. So, of course, sods law we had no workmen here the week before. My husband was away playing in a squash tournament. The kitchen floor hadn’t been prepped, and it arrived a day early!

    When we bought the house, the kitchen was still quite intact. However, it was quite modern, and not at all what would be found in a Victorian farmhouse. We were able to remove all the units, but there is a small cupboard at work surface height, which was located in the corner of the kitchen. This cupboard is listed, so has to remain. It has been the hardest part of the kitchen renovation to design around, and I’m still worried it may throw us a curveball.

    Victorian farmhouse kitchen renovation

    Victorian Farmhouse Kitchen Renovation

    We’ve gone for a shaker style kitchen, with range cooker (from our previous house), kitchen island and integrated appliances. It is more of a simple modern shaker style than our previous kitchen. But still in keeping with the farmhouse. There will be some open shelving in the utility and boot room, but we’ve yet to decide on worktops… and flooring…

    We were obviously hoping to have the flooring ready so could have put the floor units ‘in place’ as they arrived. But, that wasn’t to be. The delivery guys were great and so accommodating. They kept the three deliveries (Kitchen, Boot Room & Utility) separated when storing in the dining room. This should hopefully help the kitchen fitter as he starts on the kitchen next week.

    On weeks like this one, I’m especially grateful for Rebel Rituals — the hormonal chaos of perimenopause and ADHD, on top of renovation stress is its own particular kind of overwhelming. Having something that takes the edge off the symptoms makes the rest slightly more manageable.

    Victorian farmhouse kitchen renovation

    Next Steps…

    So finally this week, the kitchen was cleared, the underfloor heating matting went down and the screed went down to level the floor. Ready for the kitchen fitter on Tuesday. Floor tiles will go down after the units are in place. We also have to choose our worktop which I’m really undecided about. I really wanted wooden worktop, but I understand the hubby’s concern about burn/scorch marks from hot pans etc.

    So make sure you save this post and come back for Farmhouse Friday #3 — the kitchen goes in. This next week is going to bring such a big change in the house. If you are new here, then check out what’s happened so far with our Victorian Farmhouse renovation journey. And follow me on Instagram for real-time updates.

    Fay x

  • Renovation chaos, an ADHD brain, and two things that have genuinely helped.

    Renovation chaos, an ADHD brain, and two things that have genuinely helped.

    It’s 4 o’clock on Saturday afternoon, and my phone rings. It’s the kitchen company saying they’ll be with us within the hour… Sheer panic! For one thing, they weren’t meant to come till Sunday. However, more importantly, the kitchen wasn’t ready. The floor hadn’t been levelled. The underfloor matting was still to be put down. And we hadn’t had any workmen there all week. The months of planning had all gone to pot within one single week.

    What Executive Dysfunction Actually Looks Like

    Executive dysfunction in the ND brain is when your mind knows what needs to be done, but struggles to start, prioritise, or follow through—often feeling like an invisible block between intention and action. It is one of the biggest struggles with those on the ADHD spectrum. So while I can plan a kitchen down to the mm., or create a colour-coded spreadsheet for all six bathrooms, costed to the penny. I can become completely frozen when something unexpected happens. Or have a huge emotional response to something seemingly minor.

    Renovation chaos, an ADHD brain, and two things that have genuinely helped. (1)

    For example, the hubby couldn’t understand why I was, let’s say, a little annoyed when we had no workmen the week before the kitchen came. Oh, and the fact that he wouldn’t be here when it was delivered, either! He was able to see logically that there was nothing we could do, and that it would be what it would be. However, for me, all those carefully laid plans had gone completely to pot, and to top it off, I wasn’t even sure all the units would fit in the house.

    But for us, it lands a little harder. The mental load of dealing with a school transfer with a new Local Authority, including an EHCP, school refusal and balancing work alongside is a lot. There were tears.

    The Things That Actually Help

    When everything feels like too much, I’ve learned that my body needs anchoring before my brain can catch up.

    For an immediate fix, my Rebel Rituals ‘ADHD as Fuck’ scent, which, while it won’t make me a focused machine, does help give me a hit of clarity when my brain’s gone rogue. SallyAnne is an absolute genius and so relatable in how life as a Neurodivergent peri-menoapusal woman affects us.

    Another product I couldn’t be without is NuMind Menopausal Support, a daily supplement which has transformed my sleep and anxiety. While HRT seemed to help those common symptoms, it had no impact at all on, for me, what were the more impactful symptoms. NuMind Menopause Support has given me back a full night’s sleep and reduced anxiety through those brain-busy moments. Life-changing…

    I use both of these products myself daily, I shout about them and love the companies behind them. I have affiliate links for both — use code FAY for 10% OFF at Rebel Rituals (AFF Link) and code FAYS20 for 20% OFF at NuMind (AFF Link)

    ADHD as Fuck - Rebel Rituals
    ADHD as Fuck – Rebel Rituals
    numind wellness - menopause support - charlotte hunter
    NuMind Wellness – Menopause Support

    Where We’re At Now…

    Of course, by the time it arrived, with a little help from my sis (moral support and dog distracting duties) and my essentials, it all went smoothly. The delivery drivers couldn’t have been more helpful, and the units all fit into the dining room… just!

    The flooring should be completed by the end of the week, pipes that needed moving have been moved, and the kitchen fitter will arrive next week.

    Follow along on Instagram for updates, and come back Friday for Farmhouse Friday #2 — where I’ll be showing you exactly where the kitchen is.

    Fay x

  • Farmhouse Friday – Family Bathroom

    Farmhouse Friday – Family Bathroom

    Farmhouse Friday – Family Bathroom

    Introducing my brand new series of Farmhouse Friday, where I’ll share a specific room within the house, and what’s happened this last week. The first room of the series is the family bathroom, which is pretty much done. It’s not been without its challenges; a Victorian farmhouse bathroom isn’t always straightforward. So check out the before and after, and how we managed to do this for less than £2.5k! I will caveat from the outset that the wall panels we used were kindly #gifted from Multipanel.

    Farmhouse Friday - Victorian farmhouse bathroom before and after (4)

    Small Victorian Bathroom Renovation

    The room itself isn’t small as such, but does come with some limitations. It was originally part of a much larger room, hence the stunning, large window. However, this doesn’t immediately lend itself to a bathroom. Not only that, but it is long and thin, making it difficult to change any layout with great effect. And let’s not mention the 70’s pine cladding…

    Originally, there had been a bath, basin and toilet, and the layout wasn’t going to change. However, with 3 boys, we wanted to go for a large shower, rather than a bath. I also knew this would probably be the most used bathroom, so it needed to be easy to keep clean, too!

    A monochrome bathroom to me is timeless, and perfect to pick up/refresh with simple highlights if wanted. I did feel it would be very stark on its own, and so wanted to ensure some greenery was added to soften the look. The renovation itself was fairly straightforward, although we did come across a few hiccups.

    What Worked

    • The layout was already there, so no major work was required.
    • The window added a fantastic amount of natural light.
    • The panelling was pretty easy to install and went up in a day.

    What Didn’t Work

    • There was a small misunderstanding around the wall-hung basin, which means the plumber had to cut out the panelling once it had been installed. He very kindly cut out along the ‘grout’ of the tiles, so once back in place, it should be unnoticeable.
    • The window gives no privacy at all.

    Period Bathroom Restoration Costs

    Here is the breakdown of exactly how much the restoration cost and where we sourced everything from.

    Wall Panels – Multipanel UK – Alpine White Metro Collection (Very kindly #gifted) – P.O.A

    Floor Tiles – Amazon #Aff – £127.60

    Traditional Concealed Shower – Victorian Plumbing – £249.95

    Shower Tray & Screen – Victorian Plumbing – £539.95

    Wall Hung Basin – Victorian Plumbing – £129.95

    Traditional Wall Mounted Taps – Victorian Plumbing – £139.95

    Traditional Low Level Toilet – Victorian Plumbing – £299.95

    Soft Close Toilet Seat – Victorian Plumbing – £79.95

    Traditional Style Radiator – Victorian Plumbing – £419.95

    Wall Lights – Dunlem – £64 (£32 each)

    Mirror – B&M – £8

    Shelf – B&M – £5 (have linked longer size for online, but shorter length available in store)

    Japanese Screen – Amazon #Aff – £89.99 The perfect solution to the privacy issue!

    Plants – My own

    Wooden Storage Unit – My own

    The bits you don’t think about…

    Shower Waste – Victorian Plumbing – £37.95

    Basin Waste & Bottle Trap – Victorian Plumbing – £89.95

    Total Cost: £2,282.14

    So, there we have it. The first of our Farmhouse Friday series, and a deep dive into our Victorian farmhouse bathroom before and after. If you have any questions, then please just ask, and I’d love to know if you like?!

    Would you consider using wall panels instead of tiles?!

    Fay x

  • A new chapter, old walls, and why I started over: welcome to How Felicity Finds

    A new chapter, old walls, and why I started over: welcome to How Felicity Finds

    I’m currently standing in the chaos that is our ‘kitchen’. The floor is still to be levelled and laid, and the kitchen is due to arrive next week. I’m beginning to wonder why I decided that documenting our Victorian farmhouse renovation and rebranding was a good idea! So many women are reaching their 40s and 50s, getting diagnosed with ADHD and/or navigating menopause — and realising they can’t keep living the way they always have… so they start again. Sound familiar?

    The community I built with ADHD Menopause and Me has been amazing. My account was initially set up to support me and my kids through some pretty tough years. We went from a ‘typical’ family to an ND family with diagnoses of Dyslexia, Delayed Processing, ADHD and now Autism. All in the space of 5 years. I was trying to navigate menopause and raise awareness, but I couldn’t understand why I found it so hard. Walking alongside my boys through their diagnosis journeys taught me something unexpected. I was neurodivergent too. Suddenly, a lifetime of feelings I couldn’t explain began to make sense.

    My journey looks different now. The boys are older, and life has shifted. But you are still here — and that means everything. I can’t wait to share this next chapter with you.

    How We Got Here

    Our youngest’s move to secondary school was, in a word, hard. What we’d hoped would be a fresh start quickly revealed itself to be something more significant. His struggles were deeper and more complex than any of us had fully understood.

    Over the years that followed, getting him into school at all became the daily battle. Alongside the dyslexia and ADHD we already knew about, it became increasingly clear that he was also autistic with a PDA profile. Once we understand that, so much of what had felt confusing suddenly makes sense. But his difficulties at school were almost secondary to what was happening socially. Too trusting, too easily led, and younger than his years in ways that weren’t always visible on the surface. I watched him begin to form friendships that worried me. Find himself in situations I couldn’t always protect him from.

    It was a lot. For him, and for all of us.

    At the same time, life was shifting in other ways. Our two eldest had flown the nest, and for the first time in years, there was space. Space to breathe, to think, and to ask what came next. More than a decade earlier, we had built our first home from the ground up, and that itch had never really gone away.

    So we made a decision. A deliberate, wholehearted one. We would move somewhere rural, somewhere slower, somewhere that might give Sam a genuine fresh start in an environment that actually suited him — and give us a new project to pour ourselves into, while still being a home our boys could always come back to.

    What How Felicity Finds is now

    If you’d asked me a year ago what this space was going to become, I’m not sure I could have told you. But standing in the middle of a half-finished Victorian farmhouse in North Yorkshire, covered in renovation dust with an ADHD brain running at full speed and a body doing its best impression of a malfunctioning thermostat, it became pretty clear.

    How Felicity Finds is the honest version of this chapter.

    It’s the farmhouse — Hall Farm, Victorian, Grade II listed, full of original features and full of renovation challenges I absolutely did not anticipate. I’ll be sharing every step of the restoration here, the wins, the disasters, the moments where we question every decision we’ve ever made. And of course, the ones where we look at an original sash window and remember exactly why we did this.

    It’s the village — Thornton-le-Dale is the kind of place you move to and immediately wonder why you didn’t do it sooner. The beck, the countryside, the slower pace of it all. I want to share what rural life actually looks like when you swap a village just outside the busy city of York for somewhere with a slower pace, woodland in your back garden and the North Yorks Moors on your doorstep.

    It’s the ND life — I’m AuDHD and menopausal and a mum to three boys who each come with their own version of complex, and I’m not going to pretend any of that is straightforward. The real talk about neurodivergence, perimenopause, and parenting ND kids stays, because it’s part of every single day here, and it deserves to be spoken about honestly.

    And it’s the finds — the things that actually help. Products, tools, places, services that make life in this particular messy, beautiful chaos a little more manageable. Always honest, never just because I’ve been asked.

    If you’re a woman in your forties navigating a big life change — or dreaming of one — and you want company that doesn’t pretend it’s easy, you are absolutely in the right place.

    What’s coming…

    I have a lot planned, and for once, the ADHD hyperfocus is working entirely in our favour.

    Every Friday, I’ll be posting a Farmhouse Friday update — one room, one decision, one honest account of where we are with the restoration. We’re starting with the bathroom, which is the one space we’ve actually finished, and working our way through the rest of the house in real time. No staged reveals, no waiting until it’s perfect. You’re getting it as it happens.

    I’m also putting together a proper guide to Thornton-le-Dale — the walks, the places to eat, the things the locals know that don’t make it onto any tourist website. If you’ve ever thought about making a move like this, I want that guide to be the thing that helps you imagine it for yourself.

    And the AuDHD and menopause content isn’t going anywhere. In fact, I’ve got a post coming that I’ve been wanting to write for months about what executive dysfunction actually looks like when you’re also trying to manage a renovation, a family, and a rebrand simultaneously. Spoiler: it looks exactly as chaotic as you’d imagine.

    The best way to keep up is to follow along on Instagram at @how_felicity_finds, or subscribe below to get new posts straight to your inbox. No spam, no schedules — just a new post when it’s ready.

    This is a new chapter. The walls are old, the floors are (mostly) original, and I am very much a work in progress — but that’s rather the point.

    I’m glad you’re here. I hope you stay.

    Fay x

  • 5 Walks Around Thornton-le-Dale that Actually Calm an Overwhelmed Brain

    5 Walks Around Thornton-le-Dale that Actually Calm an Overwhelmed Brain

    Tucked away in the heart of the North York Moors, Thornton-le-Dale is often described as one of the prettiest villages in Yorkshire — and it’s not hard to see why. We fell in love with the village immediately and are so lucky to call it home. With its winding beck, thatched cottages, and easy access to forests, moorland and valleys, it’s the perfect base for a day of walking.

    Whether you’re after a gentle stroll (like me) or a longer countryside adventure (like my boys), here are five of my best walks around Thornton-le-Dale.

    1. Thornton-le-Dale Circular Walk (Classic Countryside Loop)

    Distance: ~5 miles
    Difficulty: Easy–Moderate
    Highlights: Thornton Beck, Ellerburn, St Hilda’s Church

    If you only do one walk, make it this one, we do it a lot with Daisy (our Dachshund). This circular route takes you out of the village along the Thornton Beck before heading towards the tiny hamlet of Ellerburn.

    Along the way, you’ll pass St Hilda’s Church, which dates back to around 1050 and even features a Viking-era cross — a real hidden gem.

    Image shows St Hilda’s Church, which dates back to around 1050 and even features a Viking-era cross

    👉 View the full route and map

    Why it’s great:
    This walk captures everything that makes the area special — water, woodland, history and open countryside.

    2. Thornton-le-Dale to Dalby Forest Walk

    Distance: 7–9 miles
    Difficulty: Moderate
    Highlights: Forest trails, wildlife, valley views

    A slightly longer circular walk that heads north out of the village and into Dalby Forest — 8,000 acres of woodland.

    This moves from open countryside into shaded forest tracks, with gentle climbs and fantastic views along the way.

    👉 See detailed route info (7-mile version)

    Why it’s great:
    It’s ideal if you want a mix of scenery — peaceful woodland, birdsong, and stunning views back across Ryedale.

    3. Thornton-le-Dale Village & Nature Reserve Walk

    Distance: ~3 km
    Difficulty: Easy (family-friendly)
    Highlights: Village green, nature reserve, thatched cottages

    If you are short on time, then this gentle loop is perfect. Starting near the village car park, the route takes you through a small nature reserve before looping around the village itself.

    The village is full of picturesque bridges, flower-filled gardens, and some of the most photographed cottages in Yorkshire.

    👉 Follow a simple route guide here

    Why it’s great:
    It’s accessible, relaxing, and perfect for families.

    4. Thornton-le-Dale to Low Dalby & Back (Ramblers Route)

    Distance: ~9 miles
    Difficulty: Moderate
    Highlights: Woodland tracks, valley views, Dalby Beck

    This longer circular route is a favourite with local walkers here in the village. It follows Thornton Beck out of the village, climbs gently into woodland, and eventually reaches Low Dalby before looping back.

    This walk is a mix of forest tracks, quiet lanes and open views — with a couple of steady climbs along the way.

    👉 Find more details via the Ramblers group

    Why it’s great:
    A proper “day out” walk with varied terrain and just enough challenge to feel rewarding. Perfect to come back into the vllage and enjoy a quick pint at one of the village pubs! Or a warming coffee at one of our fab cafes & deli’s.

    5. Thornton-le-Dale & Dalby Forest Extended Walk

    Distance: ~12 miles
    Difficulty: Moderate–Challenging
    Highlights: Deep forest, long-distance views, full-day hike

    If you’re looking for something a little more adventurous, this extended walk combines the village, Dalby Forest, and the surrounding moorland into a longer loop.

    You’ll walk (gradual climb) into the forest, explore deeper trails, and enjoy the stunning views across the North York Moors.

    👉 Access route details here

    Why it’s great:
    This is a great walk for experienced walkers who want to really throw themselves into the beauty of the North Yorkshire Moors.

    Getting There & Practical Tips

    By car:
    Thornton-le-Dale is just off the A170, around 5 minutes from Pickering.

    By public transport:
    The Coastliner bus 840 (York → Pickering → Scarborough) stops right in the village, making it easy to start walks without a car.

    Parking:

    • Village car park (Maltongate)
    • On-street parking (check restrictions)

    Top tips:

    Final Thoughts

    What makes walking around Thornton-le-Dale so special is the diversity. Within just a few miles, you can go from babbling streams and historic villages to dense forest and sweeping moorland views. It honestly is a wonderful place to explore.

    Whether you’re planning a quick wander or a full day hike, it’s one of those places that quietly surprises you — and keeps you coming back.

    Fay x

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  • ADHD Jobs – What Suits Us Best?

    ADHD Jobs – What Suits Us Best?

    I originally wrote this post back in April 2023, and I can’t believe how much has happened in 3 small years, and how I’m pretty much back to square one again. Back in 2023, I was looking at senior school places for Sam and possibly full-time work for me. Little did I know that it would be the start of the hardest years both Sam and I have been through, and that, far from being settled in full-time work, I am back to job hunting and still trying to find an educational setting that suits Sam. So are there such things as ADHD jobs? Jobs that are more suited to our ND brains.

    ADHD Brains

    ADHD brains are very different from neurotypical brains. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental condition that causes differences in the brain related to attention, behaviour, and activity levels, including impulsivity and hyperactivity. Researchers are learning more and more about brain development and ADHD. In fact, research has shown that individuals with ADHD may have areas of the brain that mature more slowly or have different activity levels than a neurotypical brain. Some brain differences may change as a child matures.

    Many individuals with ADHD have spent a lot of their lives being told that they are somehow not good enough, or ‘deficient’. Women in particular may have spent all their childhood and a lot of their adulthood undiagnosed, wondering why they have never fully achieved the potential they know they have. It’s so important to realise that ADHD has many positive traits. And actually, employers nowadays are actively seeking our natural talents and personality characteristics.

    What we have to offer!

    Individuals with ADHD have the following amazing traits:

    • Enhanced creativity and imagination
    • Greater resilience
    • Compassion and empathy
    • Greater problem-solving abilities
    • Talents for multitasking
    • The willingness to help or mentor others
    • An enhanced capacity for leadership
    • Positive, people-oriented interpersonal skills
    • Greater adaptability
    • Higher energy

    Now you know how amazing you really are, so start thinking about what type of job you might like, or what might suit your specific skill set and traits. There are definitely some jobs that are suited to those with ADHD.

    ADHD Friendly Jobs

    So just what types of jobs should we be looking at? A main consideration should, of course, be what you are passionate about! We all know that we need to stay interested to keep motivated. That said, the creative, engaging, and interactive professions listed below make the most of ADHD traits such as empathy, energy, enthusiasm, and hyperfocus.

    • Teacher / Early Years Practitioner / SENDCO
    • Journalist / Copy Editor / Graphic Designer
    • Artist / Actor / Stage Manager
    • Chef / Restaurant Manager
    • Beautician / Hairstylist / Stylist
    • Police / Fire Services / Paramedic / Nurse
    • Computer Technician / Software Developer
    • Small Business Owner / Entrepreneur

    A survey twenty years ago (2003) commissioned by BBC2 for Mind of a Millionaire, found evidence that 40% of entrepreneurs are likely to be neurodivergent, four times the national average. More recently, studies have found that individuals with ADHD are significantly more likely to become entrepreneurs.

    Moving forward – Living with ADHD

    So there we have it, there is a myriad of ADHD-friendly jobs out there for us, we just have to figure out which one we want. Then work ourselves up to applying, and somehow get through the interview #NoPressure. For me, there is still a lot of thinking to do. I love my current job and love who I work with, but I’d like to work more hours and have more flexibility. The thought of entering the job market again is causing me anxiety, though. Is it worth it?

    I’d love to hear from any other women out there who have changed careers or jobs after being late diagnosed with ADHD. How did you find it? Did you relish the change?

    Fay x

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  • Intrusive Thoughts – What Are They and Why Do We Get Them

    Intrusive Thoughts – What Are They and Why Do We Get Them

    trigger warning – #self-harm #suicidalideation #Homicidalideations #SExualviolence

    Intrusive thoughts are a common symptom of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). However, they can also be triggered by menopause. But what exactly are negative thoughts, why do we get them, and what do they mean?

    What are Intrusive Thoughts?

    Intrusive thoughts are distressing and unwanted thoughts, images or urges that suddenly pop into your mind. They can be very varied, but usually take the form of:

    Doubts: “What if my baby stopped breathing?” “What if I shook the baby?”

    Images: The image of the house burning down because the hair straighteners were not switched off.

    Impulses: Urge to crash into the car in front of you, urge to hit your baby when they won’t stop crying.

    Thoughts: “The kitchen surfaces must be disinfected before I cook”, “Everything must be in the right place before I leave the house.”

    ADHD & Intrusive Thoughts

    Having an inattentive brain can make us vulnerable to experiencing obsessive and repetitive thoughts. People with the Inattentive Type of ADHD often find their minds wandering elsewhere and forget what they are doing or where they are going. In contrast, the thoughts of a hyperactive ADHD brain may be more aggressive or intrusive than those of a neurotypical brain. 

    This blog post by the Mini ADHD Coach explains exactly why it happens to us.

    Menopause & Intrusive Thoughts

    Since the body experiences vital hormonal changes, menopause directly impacts mental and emotional well-being. Intrusive thoughts can become commonplace during menopause as hormone levels are falling. This can lead to feelings of worry, fear and sadness, which can cause distress. Night terrors can also become commonplace. Some women also feel suicidal, but often without feeling the need to act on it. 

    My Story

    It’s still rarely talked about due to its darker nature. Consequently, many of us believe we are alone in these thoughts, which exacerbates feelings of shame and guilt.

    My earliest memory of intrusive thoughts was as a teenager. I remember thoughts would just come into my head about harming others, about being raped, and about harming myself. I had no idea what these were and was so ashamed that I never mentioned them to anyone.

    When I became a mother, and my PND (now known as undiagnosed ADHD) was at its worst, the thoughts returned and were very much based around my boys and harm to them, or my ability to be a mother and why I should be there.

    A recent study of new mothers showed that 100 per cent of new mums had worrying thoughts about their baby being harmed accidentally, and 50 per cent had worrying thoughts about harming their baby in some way. These thoughts were the most worrying for new mums.

    When menopause hit, the intrusive thoughts returned with a vengeance. Thoughts of driving the car at speed into the middle barrier, suicidal thoughts, and thoughts about my boys being harmed or killed when they were out were all commonplace at one point.

    Why Do Intrusive Thoughts Happen?

    The exact reasons why intrusive thoughts happen are still being researched, but there are a few main theories:

    • Misfiring Brain Circuits: One theory suggests that intrusive thoughts might be caused by temporary glitches in the brain circuits involved in processing thoughts and emotions. These misfires could lead to unwanted thoughts popping into your head.
    • Evolved Defence Mechanism: Another theory proposes that intrusive thoughts might be an evolutionary leftover. Perhaps they stem from a primal urge to identify and avoid potential dangers. However, in the modern world, these thoughts can become exaggerated or irrelevant, causing distress.
    • Attention and Anxiety: Obsessive thoughts can also be linked to how we pay attention. When we focus on avoiding a particular thought, it can ironically make it more likely to appear. Additionally, anxiety and stress can make us more aware of our thoughts, amplifying the presence of intrusive ones.

    What Do Intrusive Thoughts Mean?

    Intrusive thoughts themselves don’t necessarily have a deep meaning. They are simply unwanted thoughts, images, or urges that pop into your head and can be quite disturbing or upsetting.

    Here’s what intrusive thoughts don’t mean:

    • They don’t mean you’re a bad person: Having these kinds of thoughts doesn’t reflect your morality or character. Most people experience them, and the content itself doesn’t define you.
    • They don’t mean you’ll act on them: The overwhelming majority of people with intrusive thoughts never act on them. The thoughts are distressing precisely because they go against your values.

    For me, getting my sleep sorted, getting the right HRT sorted, and trying to reduce the stress in my life have helped enormously. Although recently I’ve noticed a return. For me, though, the biggest help is knowing that they are not a reflection of me personally and that I’m not alone.

    Do you suffer from? How do you deal with it?

    Fay x

    NB: If intrusive thoughts become overwhelming or significantly disrupt your daily life, please seek professional help.

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  • Our Guest Bedroom Design Plan: French Blues, Toile & Timeless Details

    Our Guest Bedroom Design Plan: French Blues, Toile & Timeless Details

    There’s something about a guest bedroom suite that feels a little more considered than the rest of the house. A space that determines friends and families stay. It should feel calm, welcoming, and quietly thoughtful — somewhere that allows people to completely switch off.

    From the beginning, I knew I wanted this suite to feel timeless and fresh. Classic and gently layered rather than overly fussy. A space that feels like it’s always been there.

    The Overall Vision

    The direction for this room came together quite quickly. I kept coming back to the same feeling: soft blue tones, traditional patterns, and that slightly nostalgic, French-inspired aesthetic that never really dates.

    It’s a look that sits somewhere between:

    • relaxed country house
    • understated elegance
    • and a touch of coastal calm

    Nothing too polished. Nothing too perfect.

    Fabric & Pattern: Bringing in Toile & Texture

    Pattern plays a really important role in this room, through not only the fabrics, but also the decor.

    With the fabric, toile is the obvious hero here — it brings that classic French feel instantly, but in soft blue it feels fresh rather than overly traditional.

    Alongside this, I’ll add in:

    • ticking stripe for structure
    • soft, textured neutrals to balance things out

    The key is contrast without chaos — mixing patterns, but keeping everything within the same tonal family so it never feels busy.

    Furniture: Classic Shapes with an Edge

    The furniture choices lean towards the traditional, but with just enough contrast to keep it looking fresh and modern.

    The metal bed frame adds a slight edge and stops the room from feeling too delicate or overly “pretty”. It anchors the space and gives a bit of definition against the softer palette.

    Painted wood pieces in soft blue tones tie everything back to the scheme, keeping the look cohesive without feeling overly matched.

    Lighting & Decor: Understated and Thoughtful

    Lighting and accessories are where the room really softens.

    Wooden lamp bases, simple white shades, and subtle blue & white decorative pieces help build that layered, lived-in feel. Nothing is too styled or overly curated — it’s more about creating a space that feels comfortable and natural.

    Small details, like books, china, florals, and soft textures, help the room feel finished without trying too hard.

    Creating a Space That Feels Considered

    For me this room was all about feeling fresh and inviting.

    It would be easy to add more — more pattern, more colour, more “moments” — but the intention is to hold back. To let each element breathe.

    Because ultimately, the goal isn’t just to create a beautiful room.

    It’s to create a space that feels calm the moment you walk into it. Somewhere that feels quietly put together, without needing to shout about it.

    What Comes Next

    With the design direction now in place, the next step is to bring everything together — and see how it translates from moodboard to real life.

    Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned already, it’s that no matter how carefully you plan…

    Something always changes along the way.

    Fay x

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  • How to Create a Moodboard for a Home Renovation Using Pinterest and Canva

    How to Create a Moodboard for a Home Renovation Using Pinterest and Canva

    How to Create a Moodboard for a Home Renovation Using Pinterest and Canva

    Planning a home renovation can feel overwhelming — especially when you’re renovating a character property or listed building, where every decision matters and changes can be costly. One of the simplest ways to bring clarity to your ideas before the dust, disruption and design decisions begin is to create a moodboard.

    Using Pinterest to gather inspiration and Canva to pull it all together, you can create a clear, visual direction for your renovation or room trannformation — without needing a designer or expensive software.

    I love a good moodboard, here’s how I easily get my ideas out of my head and onto paper.

    Why Moodboards Are Essential for Renovations (Especially Older Homes)

    When renovating a period or listed property, it’s easy to fall into one of two traps:

    • Playing it too safe and losing character
    • Mixing too many styles and ending up with a confused space

    I find a moodboard helps ensure you strike a balance.

    It allows you to:

    • Visualise the finished space before committing
    • Keep character and history front of mind
    • Make confident decisions on paint, materials and finishes
    • Communicate your vision clearly to trades and suppliers

    Think of it as your renovation compass — something to return to whenever decisions feel hard. I quite often find I’m still updating/tweaking as the journey moves on and I learn more about the building.

    how to create a moodboard for a room transformation

    Step 1: Create a Focused Pinterest Board

    Pinterest is your starting point for exploration.

    Name Your Board Clearly

    Instead of something vague, be specific:

    • Victorian Farmhouse Living Room Moodboard
    • Listed Building Kitchen Renovation
    • Neutral Country Bedroom Ideas

    This helps Pinterest serve you better suggestions — and keeps your ideas cohesive. You can then break it down into sections within that board. I did this to keep all the bathrooms together, but then had a section for each specific bathroom. You could also use to split out flooring from lighting etc. Whatever works best for you.

    Pin Generously (At First)

    At this stage, don’t analyse too much. Pin anything that:

    • Stops you scrolling
    • Feels like the atmosphere you want
    • Includes colours, textures or layouts you’re drawn to

    Look for:

    • Whole rooms
    • Close-ups of finishes
    • Architectural details
    • Lighting styles
    • Flooring Styles

    Aim for 25–40 pins initially.

    Step 2: Edit Ruthlessly

    This is where the magic happens.

    Go back through your board and remove anything that:

    • Feels trendy rather than timeless
    • Doesn’t suit the age or character of your home
    • Clashes with the overall mood

    Patterns will start to emerge — similar tones, materials, layouts or styles. That’s your direction revealing itself.

    Step 3: Identify Your Core Renovation Style

    Before you open Canva, take a moment to get clear on the big picture.

    Ask yourself:

    • Is this space warm or light?
    • Rustic or refined?
    • Traditional with modern touches?

    Most renovation moodboards come down to:

    • 2–4 core colours
    • 1–2 dominant materials
    • One clear overall feeling

    You’re not choosing exact products yet — you’re defining the vibe.

    Step 4: Build Your Moodboard in Canva

    Canva is perfect for turning inspiration into something tangible.

    Choose a Simple Layout

    Search Canva for:

    • “Interior moodboard”
    • “Collage”
    • Or use a blank A4 or square canvas

    Simple layouts work best, especially for renovation planning.

    how to create a moodboard

    Add Your Pinterest Images

    Download your favourite pins and upload them to Canva.

    Tips for arranging:

    • Mix wide shots with close-up details
    • Group similar tones together
    • Leave breathing space — less is more

    Your board should feel calm and intentional, not busy.

    Step 5: Add Colour Swatches and Materials

    This is what transforms a moodboard from inspiration to a working tool.

    Include Colour Blocks

    Use Canva’s shapes to add swatches representing:

    • Wall colours
    • Wood tones
    • Accent shades

    You can sample colours directly from images using Canva’s colour picker.

    Optional Notes

    Light, minimal text works well:

    • “Warm neutral walls”
    • “Natural timber throughout”
    • “Soft aged brass finishes”

    This is especially helpful if you’ll be sharing the moodboard with trades or suppliers. You can also play around with Canva’s elements if you want to add graphics such as arrows, or in my case, a paint ‘splodge’ to help really bring the paint colours to life.

    Step 6: Sense Check Before You Commit

    Step away and come back later.

    Ask yourself:

    • Does this feel cohesive?
    • Does it suit the age of the property?
    • Will I still love this in five years?

    If something feels off, tweak it. Moodboards are meant to evolve — just like renovations. Quite a few of mine are still being tweaked now, as my ideas develop.

    Final Thoughts: Progress Over Perfection

    A renovation moodboard isn’t about having all the answers — it’s about creating confidence.

    Using Pinterest and Canva together gives you:

    • Direction without pressure
    • Inspiration without overwhelm
    • A clear vision to guide every decision

    If you’re renovating a home with history, this step is invaluable. It keeps the soul of the house intact while making it work for modern life.

    Fay x

    👉 If you’re mid-renovation, you’ll find more moodboards, real-life decisions and honest progress over on my renovation playlists on YouTube — don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss what’s next.

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