The 5 Biggest Wins of My 2025 — A Year I’ll Never Forget
As the year draws to an end, it seems only natural to reflect on what has passed and what may follow. 2025, for various reasons, has been quite a year for us, both good and bad. But on the last day of my 51st year, I’m manifesting that 2026 is the year that brings growth, both personally, professionally and financially.
I am not one for dwelling on the past or having regrets, as we literally cannot change the past. To me, everything we go through is a lesson that we need to learn from and grow within ourselves. And I’ve certainly learnt a lot this year. So, I thought, what better than to reflect on my personal achievements for 2025!
Lessons Learned in 2025
To be ‘That’ Parent
This has been a particularly hard lesson to learn, and probably taken the longest so far. Raised in the years where we were brought up to be people pleasers, and with a severe case of RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria), I was never very good at speaking up for myself. So when I became a mother, this trait seemed to follow. Now, while I know my two eldest have different needs, they were very much manageable and so therefore weren’t truly apparent until later in life. We seemed to naturally find coping strategies and skills to help them navigate life.
My youngest, on the other hand, had much higher needs, which were apparent from the moment he started school. At the time, I worked at an independent school, and so he was able to attend Junior School there. This meant smaller class sizes, individualised lessons and support. So again, whilst his struggles were greater, they were still ‘manageable’. Until they weren’t…
Somewhere around Year 5/6, when the pressure began to increase, the workload became a little more and expectations grew, we began to lose the happy boy we all knew. Meltdowns were commonplace, GP and CAMHS appointments became the norm, and suddenly, we were on the road to an EHCP (Educational Health Care Plan).
The next two years were tough as we navigated a few months at mainstream, then years of school avoidance. Becoming ‘THAT’ parent ultimately gained him a place at a specialist school. I still find it difficult, I won’t deny that, but luckily, my RSD has actually helped. Determined not to be ‘found out’, I read up on all things neurodivergent. Taking it even further and gaining my Level 3 SEND Law qualification with the IPSEA charity. I might still be uncomfortable speaking up for my son, but I’m confident in my knowledge, and I won’t stop fighting!
Lesson Learnt: When needed, you are stronger than you realise!
My kids come first, always!
Another side of being a people pleaser is always doing everything for everyone else. It’s often just to keep others comfortable. Again, because the eldest two needs being less, we’ve been lucky and didn’t have to make too many sacrifices. However, I now see the two eldest only at holidays, really, so I cherish the time I have with them. And Sam’s needs have always been greater, so recently we really have had to sacrifice and cut back on things we would have previously taken for granted.
Holidays tend to be quite difficult, as all our boys are very different, and finding something they all like is tough. My prerequisite is always going to be, if my kids are happy, then I’m happy. So now, more often, we look at separate holidays, shorter breaks and balancing it out over the year.
When it comes to social events, I no longer insist on my kids being there. If they don’t want to go to something, then I won’t make them, and will give my apologies. If my youngest wants to go, but then finds it too overwhelming, then I’ll make our excuses and leave. Obviously, there are certain family obligations that are non-negotiable for the eldest two – funerals, weddings, etc. – but even then their jobs/studies mean they can’t walys make anyway. But for Sam, we deal with everything as non-committal and see how he is in himself on the day.
Lesson Learnt: Acknowledge your kids’ struggles, ensure they aren’t masking (as we spent our lives doing).
To go a little easier on myself
I have spent too many years feeling like the worst daughter, the worst student, the worst friend, the worst employee and the worst mum. It has truly taken till this year and understanding my brain so much more, to be able to forgive myself.
Life is too short to worry about what other people think, and there will always be people who will judge you (no matter what), so why judge yourself on top of that? One of my favourite tattoos is the song lyric from Tupac’s song of the same name: “Only god can judge me.”
Now in 2025, my circle is small, I no longer crave outside approval, I am comfortable in my skin and have no desire to be liked by everyone. My brain is how it is; I cannot change that. Now, I work with it and ensure that I know my limits. I’m not perfect, and no one is, but I know that I’m the best version of myself.
Lesson Learnt: Never stop learning, but understand your limits, they are not faults or flaws!
PDA is a whole other ball game!
When I first realised Sam might have demand-avoidant traits, I knew already that it presented differently. I just wasn’t prepared for how hard it would actually be to be in that moment. Every natural reaction is push harder, become stricter, impose more rules, but actually it doesn’t work. All that happens is your child is more dysregulated, and usually, you end up the same, too!
I can’t tell you the number of years I spent sobbing on the stairs as I tried to coax him into school. The number of times I pushed harder, only to be met with screams and physical violence. How I’d have to watch my child get to such a state of despair that he would threaten suicide.
It’s interesting, as soon as you begin to look at demand avoidance, you realise just how many everyday tasks we all take for granted are seen as demands: getting up, getting dressed, going to school, chores, pretty much everything you can think of. My biggest lesson was learning not to gentle parent as such, but how to re-frame how I spoke to Sam and how we worked together to deal with the tough times. Even when it seemed easy to others…
Lesson Learnt: Watch your child’s behaviours, they are communicating their struggles, not obstinacy.
Saying NO is a necessity
I have spent years not fully understanding why I would/could only commit to one ‘thing’ a day. That weekends were a recovery from the week, rather than a restful break and catch-up. Unknown to me, I was protecting myself from overwhelm without realising.
But gradually, being a people pleaser meant I found myself taking on more and more, at work and personally. Not able to see the overwhelm creep up till it was too late, and then I’d spend days on the sofa, barely able to speak.
This year, with all of the above and growing work pressures, I’ve ended up pushing myself to the point of burnout. Having to be signed off work and re-look at my lifestyle and make major changes. I’ve always found it hard to say no to people and set boundaries, but this year I’ve had to; it literally was the difference between surviving and not.
Lesson Learnt: It is not rude to turn down an invite or take a step back from obligations.
2025: The Year for Personal Achievements
This year, I chose to focus on personal achievements, rather than what I may have previously viewed as failings. 2026, like 2025, will be the same. Focus on the positive and learn from the negative.
How has your 2025 been, and how do you intend to move into 2026?
Fay x
