How Felicity Finds

Category: The ND Life

  • ADHD, Autism and Transition

    ADHD, Autism and Transition

    ADHD, Autism and Transition

    Transition can be tricky for everyone, especially for those with ADHD and Autism (ASC). These conditions can make shifting gears between activities, places, or routines hard. Both Sam and I struggle with transition, and while Sam is still learning how to cope and support himself, I can at least recognise the signs in both of us and support him as best I can.

    What is a transition?

    The English dictionary describes transition as ‘a change from one form or type to another, or the process by which this happens.’

    We all think about obvious transitions in our lives, like moving house or marriage. But there are everyday transitions that lots of people won’t even realise are transitions. Transitions that, for most people, are taken completely for granted.

    Examples of BIG transitions

    • Starting or ending a romantic relationship
    • Becoming a parent
    • Experiencing a loss
    • Reaching milestone ages
    • Serious illness or injury
    • Starting/moving school
    • Changing career
    • Retirement
    • Moving to a new home
    • Travelling abroad

    Examples of everyday transitions

    • Waking up from sleep to getting out of bed.
    • Finishing breakfast and getting dressed.
    • Leaving the house and starting your commute.
    • Switching between different tasks/subjects throughout the day.
    • Shifting from work or school to home/relaxation.
    • Finishing dinner and starting your evening routine
    • Winding down from the day and preparing for sleep.
    • Putting away electronics and getting into pyjamas.
    • Falling asleep and transitioning from wakefulness to rest.

    Sam, in particular, struggles with the transition of getting ready for school. Up until recently, it had not occurred to me that this was a transition, despite me having my own coping mechanisms to deal with the same morning transition. I’ll try and do as much as I can the night before, look out clothes, pack bag, look out lunch, set out travel mug ready to just fill in the morning, etc. All these little things mean I have way fewer stresses on my executive function to deal with when I’m getting ready.

    So why do those with ADHD and Autism struggle in particular with transition?

    There’s a two-pronged answer to why people with ADHD and ASC struggle with transitions:

    1. Challenges for Both ADHD and ASC:

    • Executive Functioning: Both conditions can affect executive functioning skills like planning, organising, and shifting focus. Transitions require these skills to mentally prepare for the next activity, making them inherently difficult.
    • Predictability and Routine: Furthermore, ADHD and ASC often thrive on predictability and routine. Transitions disrupt established routines and introduce uncertainty, which can be anxiety-provoking and disorienting.
    • Sensory Processing: Many individuals with ADHD or ASC experience sensory sensitivities. Changes in the environment or stimulation during transitions can overwhelm and disrupt focus.

    2. Specific Challenges:

    • ADHD:
      • Hyperfocus and Inertia: People with ADHD can become hyperfocused, making it hard to switch gears away from a rewarding activity. Conversely, starting a new activity can feel overwhelming, leading to inertia (resistance to starting).
      • Time Management and Emotional Regulation: Transitions often involve time constraints, and people with ADHD may struggle to estimate time accurately, making transitions feel rushed and stressful. Additionally, managing emotions like frustration or anxiety during transitions can be challenging.
      • Reward System: Some theories suggest ADHD brains have a different reward system. Transitions disrupt the flow of the current activity, which can be less rewarding, making it harder to switch gears.
    • ASC:
      • Social Cues: Understanding social cues related to transitions can be difficult for someone with ASC. Body language or facial expressions signalling a transition might be missed, leading to confusion or frustration.
      • Need for Processing Time: People with ASC may need more processing time to adjust to changes. Transitions can feel abrupt and overwhelming without this time to prepare mentally.

    Remember, the severity of these challenges varies for each individual. Understanding these factors can help us develop strategies to support people with ADHD and ASC through transitions.

    For me, it is mostly executive function, so for morning struggles, as said, I try to do as much as possible in advance. However, I also need a lot of processing time, so having to get myself and two boys ready means getting up 30 minutes earlier so I can get myself ready, and then focus on them when I wake them.

    Sam struggles with not only the transition of getting ready, but also the sensory side of the school uniform. Seams being noticeable, clothes being tight or restrictive and scratchy fabrics close to skin can all be triggers for him. Add to that his need for predictability and routine, trying to regulate his emotions in a new situation, and his struggle with any loss of autonomy, then, as you can imagine, transition days in his new school are proving tough.

    So how can we help?

    Here are some tips for both ADHD and ASC:

    • Prepare for Change: Announce upcoming transitions well in advance, both verbally and visually (with timers, pictures, or checklists). Sam doesn’t cope with a lot of verbal interaction in the morning, so a lot of our cues are visual hand signals and pictures.
    • Chunk it Down: Break down large transitions into smaller, more manageable steps.
    • Provide Choices: Offer some control over the transition process (e.g., picking a goodbye song or choosing which shoes to wear first). For Sam, this works well as it really gives him the feeling of being in control.
    • Create a Predictable Routine: Establish routines for before, during, and after transitions to provide a sense of security.
    • Sensory Support: For sensory sensitivities, offer calming tools like fidget toys or noise-cancelling headphones during transitions. I never go anywhere without my fidget toy! For Sam, ensuring his socks are right makes a huge difference to the rest of the transition.

    Additional Tips for ASC:

    • Social Cues: Help with interpreting social cues related to transitions, like body language or facial expressions.
    • Safe Space: Provide a designated quiet space to de-stimulate after a busy transition. I love the drive home after work on my own to regulate myself. Sam loves a dark, quiet room when he’s particularly struggling.

    So, as we move from Easter holidays to BTS tomorrow morning, wish us luck. Not only are we transitioning from holidays to term time, but also the simple transition of getting ready and out of the house. And Sam is transitioning to a whole new school!

    Morning is definitely a hard transition for all of us. Another small transition I personally struggle with is moving from task to task at work. And big transitions I struggle with are travelling abroad and moving house. Do you have particular transitions that you struggle with? What have you found that helps?

    Fay x

  • 10 Signs I Have ADHD (from my childhood)

    10 Signs I Have ADHD (from my childhood)

    I was lying awake last night; as often it does, my brain ran away at 100 miles an hour. That’s when it came to me, I remembered how when I was young at school, I was always daydreaming. And in fact, I used to fall asleep quite a lot too. Suddenly, more memories started to flood back, and the signs that I have ADHD seemed really obvious.

    It’s been reported in The Observer that Dr Tony Lloyd of the ADHD Foundation charity suggested there has been a 400% increase in the number of adults seeking diagnosis since 2020. I know that one of the biggest factors when looking at ADHD in older women is whether the symptoms were there in childhood. So I thought it’d probably be a good indicator to go back over my younger life.

    1. Fatigue

    I slept a lot! I was still having a nap every day when I started primary school – the boys did too. And remember, quite often falling asleep in class for a long time (even into secondary school!).

    2. Daydreaming

    I daydreamed a lot too. In fact, I think it was commented on in pretty much every school report I had in primary school. I still remember being pulled up on it in secondary school for it but knew by then I had to feign interest at least. Or wangle sitting at the window near the back to hide LOL.

    3. Exaggerated Emotional Responses

    I was always dramatic, but coming from an ‘Am Dram’ (Amateur Dramatic) family I guess it was just taken as par for the course. But I remember ‘feeling’ things a lot deeper than others. I could read a room at the drop of a hat and I learnt that my gut was always spot on very early.

    4. Cries easily

    Following on from above, I really do remember crying a lot. Crying with happiness, crying in pain, whatever the emotion I would pretty much always cry (and I still do), even a 30-sec advert could make me cry.

    5. Disorganised and messy

    I was never very good at tidying my room and luckily I had a room of my own, but I do remember the feeling of calm when it was tidy. I learned early on that I much preferred a tidy environment, to the point of extreme. My school books and work were always immaculate, as is my work desk now. However, my bedroom floor was, and is, always covered in clothes; and don’t even ask to see in my car now.

    6. Highly sensitive to noise and fabrics

    I always remember labels on clothes annoying me massively, to the point of distraction. But I thought everyone was the same, it wasn’t till I saw my boys cutting their labels out (I wouldn’t have dared LOL) and read up, I realised it was Sensory Processing Disorder.

    I like my music loud, the louder the better, and I listen to the same song or album over and over for months at a time. Whilst more than one person talking to/near me makes me want to scream in pain, when I need to concentrate, then loud music is an absolute must. It drowns out the constant ‘noise’ in my head. My own internal monologue follows me through life 24/7.

    7. Slamming Doors

    Now this is absolutely me, I still slam doors to this day, and I find it really hard not to when I’m angry. I noticed that Sam does the same, and between us, we have broken so many door fixings. I remember doing it when I’d left home and lived with my first husband (I had a lot to be angry about). No memories of massively doing when I was young and at home, but then I don’t remember being that angry then.

    Often late (poor time management)

    Now this is a funny one, as until menopause, I was never late, like never ever. So, on initial glance, this looks like one that doesn’t fit me. But taking some time to look a little closer, I realised that actually I (with help from mum) had just developed an extreme coping strategy to help. I would always be very, very early. I would be super early for school, I would be super early for work, and I would be stupidly early for travelling anywhere. I even rehearsed/planned journeys to ensure my timings were accurate.

    Poor Self-Image

    I’ve always struggled with my self-image, bullied through my junior years of primary school. I learned that humour was my coping mechanism. I spent secondary school knowing I didn’t ‘fit in’, but luckily found my tribe, and we hid in the music block. I have always struggled to look in the mirror and never really look at myself and think I look nice.

    Takes Time to Process Information

    For as long as I can remember, I would always say ‘what’ after someone spoke to me. I remember because my mum would always correct me (as I do with my boys now) and say ‘Pardon, not what! However, before whoever was speaking could repeat what they had said, I would have replied. I still do it now, and I know now that it isn’t because I wasn’t listening or didn’t hear, but because it takes my brain a little bit longer to process what a person has just said.

    ADHD Combined Type

    Looking back now, I can see the signs that I have ADHD so clearly. But for a lot of girls and women, as it was for me, it is brushed off as hormones. As being too this or too that; as having depression or anxiety. We don’t display the classic ‘hyperactive naughty behaviour’ that is still so intrinsically linked to ADHD. Our hyperactivity is quite often in the mind a lot of the time, a brain racing that never stops. The inattentive trait is fobbed off as daydreaming. Our impulsivity can be seen in relationships or purchase habits, rather than in dangerous play or activities.

    So, how did you first realise you may have ADHD? Can you see the same symptoms in your childhood?! I’d love to know your experience in the comments below.

    Fay x

  • HRT Treatment – Types of HRT

    HRT Treatment – Types of HRT

    So I’ve been on HRT for approx. a year now (I can’t believe it’s only been a year LOL). I’ve been having a few concerns about things that may or may not be connected to the types of HRT I’m taking. Before I go into the issues and concerns I’ve been having, I thought it would be useful to explain a little more about HRT Treatment.

    What is HRT?

    HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) replaces the hormones that a woman’s body stops producing during Perimenopause and Menopause.

    The 2 hormones used in HRT are:

    • Oestrogen
    • Progestogen

    HRT is offered as either Oestrogen-only HRT or combined HRT (Oestrogen & Progestogen).

    Body Identical HRT

    Body-identical or bioidentical hormones include estrogen delivered through the skin in a patch, gel, or spray, and micronised progesterone, known as Utrogestan® in the UK. It is the safest and most regulated type of HRT treatment.

    Body Identical Hormones – Click here to learn more

    Compounded Bioidentical Hormones – Click to learn more

    My HRT Journey

    Initially, like most women, I was put on the Evorel Conti (combined Estrogen & Progesterone) patch. After 3 months, it became apparent that it wasn’t quite having the effect we wanted. It did immediately help with night sweats and hot flushes, but not much else. God, I wanted to be one of those women who say HRT changed their lives overnight! I will add that alongside the HRT, I was also on Lisinopril (10mg) for my high blood pressure and Mirtazapine (30mg) for my depression and sleep issues, which we now know is probably much more likely to be the ADHD.

    Anyway, it was decided to increase the estrogen level to see if that helped. So this meant switching to a combination of Progesterone tablets and Estrogen patches at higher doses. This did seem to make a difference initially, and at the same time, I’d also found the NUMind wellness supplements, which I cannot tell you how much have helped my sleep. But over the next 6 months or so, I began to have some concerns.

    Is This Right?

    Weight gain

    When I started HRT, I noticed that I was slowly gaining weight. Initially, I put this down to being perimenopausal as I knew to expect possible weight gain, especially around my middle. However, when I started the patch/tablet combo, I noticed substantial weight gain. I also noticed that my bloating was getting substantially worse. In just over a year, I gained 3 stones and looked 9 months pregnant for the majority of the month.

    When I mentioned the weight gain in my first review, I was met with almost disdain, as if I was being vain. However, when I mentioned this time, the GP was so lovely and as concerned as I was, especially given how much is around my middle. In her words ‘Let’s make sure it’s not something we are giving you that is causing this before we look at other factors’. It was so refreshing and validating!

    We discussed Mirtazapine, which can cause increased appetite, and decided to reduce it to 15mg. I’d been put on the 30mg at the OT’s suggestion, to aid sleep, but I was happy to drop down.

    bloating

    As said, I’d also noticed the bloating was constant and quite uncomfortable. The GP explained that it could be water retention and bloating from the Utrogestan capsules I was taking. At the moment, I take these orally: 2 tablets for 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off. However, once you’ve been on it for over a year, you can change to one tablet every day. She also suggested that I switch to taking vaginally – cue my 11-year-old son’s mortified face as he was in the car when I took the call! She felt that taking it that way would localise the effect and hopefully cut out the water retention/bloating.

    memory

    Now, this is partly related to menopause but more to ADHD. I am absolutely rubbish at remembering things, especially if there is no real set routine. So applying patches twice a week was a kind of recipe for disaster. I asked if there was anything I could take daily along with all my other medications. She suggested that I move to try the gel, 3 pumps a day. So now, going from the medication I took daily, twice weekly and two weeks on two weeks off, I was now taking everything daily. Perfect!

    high bp

    I was also a little concerned about my high BP as it had risen again, so we also decided to raise the Lisinopril to 20mg from 10mg to see if that helped. I need to have a check-up and blood tests in two weeks to ensure my BP has come down and that my kidneys are okay on the higher dose.

    Moving Forward

    So I’m excited to start the new regime and see what happens. I also hope this gives you a little insight into the types of HRT and HRT treatment. I think for most women it isn’t that simple, an overnight fix, and we need to be able to have the knowledge to understand not only that, but also to question when we don’t feel something is right.

    What’s your experience of HRT so far? I’d really love to hear your stories in the comments below.

    Fay x

  • Sleep Hygiene – What is it?

    Sleep Hygiene – What is it?

    I don’t think I’m the only person in the world who hadn’t heard of sleep hygiene when it was initially mentioned; in fact, I know I’m not. So just what exactly is it?

    In a nutshell, Sleep Hygiene is the practice of establishing routines conducive to better sleep.  However, it’s not just about your bedtime routine; it’s about your whole day. Start the day off right. Be mindful throughout the day. Take time to relax on an evening and wind down before bed. These all help to ensure that you get a good night’s sleep.

    Morning

    Set an alarm

    So it seems pretty obvious, but with more and more of us being able to work from home now, maybe we’ve let this slip.  Consistent waking times not only help regulate your bedtime but also “set” the body clock.

    Get some daylight

    Getting outside in natural light as soon as possible can really help to shake off any groggy feelings you may have. Read this great article by the Sleep Foundation about the connection between light and sleep. For my 5 top tips to improve your mood daily, read my previous blog post.

    Day

    Get some exercise

    Regular exercise can help you sleep more deeply at night and deliver a host of other health benefits.  So whether it’s walking the dog, going for a run or a session at the gym, it all helps.  Best to leave at least 2 hours after exercise before bed, though, to help your body relax again and return to its core temperature.

    Limit that caffeine

    Avoid drinks containing caffeine from the afternoon onwards.  Caffeine is a stimulant, which means if you drink too much, you can’t relax properly, even if you want to. Well, unless you have ADHD, but that’s a whole other post.  And remember, caffeine is found in some fizzy juices, energy drinks, and chocolate, as well as tea and coffee.

    Evening

    Limit alcohol/nicotine

    Try as much as possible to limit alcohol and nicotine in the evening.  Alcohol may help you get to sleep, but it doesn’t last and can lead to restless sleep through the night.  Likewise, Nicotine as a stimulant might make it harder for you to get to sleep when you need to.

    Watch what you eat and drink

    It is a good idea not to go to bed either hungry or thirsty, as it may cause you to wake in the night.  Conversely, going to bed on a full stomach isn’t good either, as your body can still be digesting or needing the toilet as you are trying to sleep

    Limit those screens

    It is a good idea to take some time out (30-60 mins) before bed, as screens are a mental stimulant.  The blue light emitted by our devices can reduce melatonin levels and prevent us from switching off.  Time for reading! Also, if you find your mind racing with thoughts, keep a pad and pen by your bed to jot them down and free your mind.

    Night

    Bedroom Environment

    A calm and restful bedroom is a must for a good night’s sleep. Ensure the temperature is cool and blinds/curtains are drawn.  Lighting should be dimmed and switched off to sleep. Weighted blankets are great for those who struggle with restless sleep. Delicate scents such as lavender are fantastic for calming the brain before sleep. I use This Works Sleep Plus Pillow Spray, which I adore.

    Remove or hide clocks

    If possible, clocks shouldn’t be in the bedroom to prevent clock-watching. If your alarm is a clock alarm, then try turning it away from you.  If you use your phone, ensure it is on sleep mode so as not to disturb you during the night

    How’s your sleep?

    So there you go, that’s sleep hygiene in a nutshell.  To be fair, if you are like me, you do quite a lot of it without even thinking.  Other parts I’ve really worked on since the New Year, so for me, this is something that I have been doing religiously since then.  Whilst my sleep quality isn’t great at the moment, it is definitely not down to my sleep hygiene!  So do you practice sleep hygiene?  What are your top tips for a good night’s sleep? Or do you struggle with your sleep and need to introduce some of the above? Drop me a comment below, would love to hear from you.

    P.S.

    To the GP who couldn’t wait to get me off the phone, rather than take 2 minutes to talk to me and explain exactly what sleep hygiene was… I have now made an appointment with my original GP (who could probably do without this call, as she is just as busy as you) to explain that I have been following sleep hygiene for months now, and that is not what is needed to help my deteriorating sleep.