How Felicity Finds

Category: The ND Life

  • I had postnatal depression, undiagnosed ADHD, and no idea the two were connected. This is what happened — and why it matters for every woman diagnosed too late.

    I had postnatal depression, undiagnosed ADHD, and no idea the two were connected. This is what happened — and why it matters for every woman diagnosed too late.

    This post discusses postnatal depression, undiagnosed ADHD, and suicidal crisis. If you are struggling right now, please reach out to PANDAS on 0808 1961 776 or Samaritans on 116 123 before reading on. You are not alone.

    Maternal Mental Health Week: the ADHD and PND connection that almost cost me my life.

    As I sit in the new house, surrounded by chaos yet warmed by a hot cup of tea, I can reflect on how far I’ve come. Almost two decades ago, I was in a very different place. But this isn’t meant to be a sad story, far from it. This is a story of a mother with undiagnosed adhd and postnatal depression, who fought hard, coming out not only stronger, but gentler on herself too.

    With two boys under two, I found motherhood hard. I wasn’t a confident mum, but at least by the time I had my second, I had a bit of a routine going. Looking back, I can totally see the signs of the AuDHD. I clung to Gina Ford and the routine, but I also found it hard to organise myself and the boys. I couldn’t do more than 1 ‘thing’ in a day, and looked in awe and horror at friends who could visit friends and family, and fit in an activity all in the same day. But as the months went on, any feelings I had started to become numb, and any joy that had been there had gone.

    Not an easy journey

    I was lonely; I had moved away from family and friends, and didn’t drive at the time. And with two under two, it wasn’t the easiest to get on a bus and go out. I withdrew and spent more and more time at home. My husband had a busy social life playing golf and squash, so he would be out a lot of evenings and weekends. I knew it would be tiring, but it was beyond that; I was exhausted, constantly. I quite often felt as if I wasn’t really there, or felt nothing at all. Feeling so alone, so out of my depth, and so miserable, utterly, utterly miserable, at what should be one of the happiest moments of your life.

    Over the coming months, nothing seemed to get easier; I was still struggling, still found the day-to-day difficult. Still felt nothing. I began clawing at my skin to try and feel something. My forehead was often raw and bleeding, covered by a long fringe. I began to question everything, especially my ability to be a good mother and wife. I had very little contact with friends and family and hid away from the world. The final straw was not being able to attend a family event because the OH was playing golf. That night was my lowest point, and I honestly felt that everyone would be better off without me.

    A wake-up call – literally!

    I woke the next morning, which I wasn’t expecting at all. The weight of what had happened hit home immediately, and I knew I needed to get help. I was diagnosed with postnatal depression and immediately put on antidepressants and went to therapy. At this point, the connection to ADHD hadn’t been made. We all still saw it as something that affected young boys. And while we are now talking much more about the connection between the hormonal shift of perimenopause and ADHD, we still talk less about the connection between PND and ADHD. I wish I’d known then what I know now about the hormone crash and the dopamine dysregulation, the specific vulnerability of undiagnosed ADHD women in the postpartum period.

    Women with ADHD are significantly more likely to experience severe postpartum mental health difficulties. And girls are consistently diagnosed later than boys — often not until adulthood, often not until a crisis. The cost of that delay is not academic. Consistently conducted research shows that oestrogen plays a significant role in dopamine regulation. The crash in oestrogen after birth is particularly hard for women with ADHD, diagnosed or not. There is a direct correlation between estrogen and dopamine levels, as this article from ADDitude shows.

    ADHD and postnatal depression

    Not only does the postpartum period exacerbate the symptoms of ADHD, but women with ADHD are at significantly elevated risk of postnatal depression. The combination of sleep deprivation, hormonal disruption, and sensory overload creates a ‘perfect storm’ for women who are already working harder than most to manage. The PANDAS Foundation has some fantastic resources on this very topic.

    For me, the recovery was slow, but by the time I had my third child, 7 years later, I was armed with knowledge. I still didn’t know then about my AuDHD, but I was confident and aware enough to be gentler on myself. To understand that, I found parenthood, for whatever reason, harder than most. Who knows what that early experience would have been like for me (and the boys) had I been armed with a diagnosis and support. We know that women who have a diagnosis report significant improvement in self-understanding, self-compassion and feel able to ask for support.

    Research and awareness

    If we can improve research and continue to raise awareness, we can ensure diagnosis before motherhood. So new mothers with ADHD can enter the postpartum period with awareness, coping strategies and support from family, friends and healthcare professionals. That is not a small thing. For some women, it would be the difference between surviving and not.

    Now, nearly 20 years later, it took my youngest’s journey with AuDHD, and me hitting perimenopause, to realise my own diagnosis of AuDHD. Suddenly, everything made sense. The periods of major hormonal fluctuations in a woman’s life were all the times when I had particularly struggled. If you are currently struggling, know you are not alone, and be kind to yourself. There is support available now (see the resources at the end of this article). If you, like me, are now coming/or are out the other end, well done! It wasn’t easy, but we are stronger because of it.

    This is my direct call to healthcare professionals, GPs, CAMHs, etc., to really take note of the importance of early diagnosis, especially in women and girls. It’s not something that will just help them as they get older; it could literally save their lives.

    Fay x

    If anything in this post has resonated with you, or if you are struggling with your mental health right now, please reach out. You do not have to manage this alone.

    In crisis now: Samaritans — 116 123 (free, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week) or samaritans.org

    Postnatal depression support: PANDAS Foundation — 0808 1961 776 or pandasfoundation.org.uk

    ADHD diagnosis and support: ADHD UK — adhduk.co.uk | ADHD Foundation — adhdfoundation.org.uk

    Maternal mental health: Association for Postnatal Illness — apni.org

    For neurodivergent women specifically: Neurodivergent Women — neurodivergent-women.org

    If you think you or someone you love may have undiagnosed ADHD, please speak to your GP. You deserve a diagnosis. You deserve the right support. And if your GP doesn’t listen, you are entitled to ask again.

  • Renovation chaos, an ADHD brain, and two things that have genuinely helped.

    Renovation chaos, an ADHD brain, and two things that have genuinely helped.

    It’s 4 o’clock on Saturday afternoon, and my phone rings. It’s the kitchen company saying they’ll be with us within the hour… Sheer panic! For one thing, they weren’t meant to come till Sunday. However, more importantly, the kitchen wasn’t ready. The floor hadn’t been levelled. The underfloor matting was still to be put down. And we hadn’t had any workmen there all week. The months of planning had all gone to pot within one single week.

    What Executive Dysfunction Actually Looks Like

    Executive dysfunction in the ND brain is when your mind knows what needs to be done, but struggles to start, prioritise, or follow through—often feeling like an invisible block between intention and action. It is one of the biggest struggles with those on the ADHD spectrum. So while I can plan a kitchen down to the mm., or create a colour-coded spreadsheet for all six bathrooms, costed to the penny. I can become completely frozen when something unexpected happens. Or have a huge emotional response to something seemingly minor.

    Renovation chaos, an ADHD brain, and two things that have genuinely helped. (1)

    For example, the hubby couldn’t understand why I was, let’s say, a little annoyed when we had no workmen the week before the kitchen came. Oh, and the fact that he wouldn’t be here when it was delivered, either! He was able to see logically that there was nothing we could do, and that it would be what it would be. However, for me, all those carefully laid plans had gone completely to pot, and to top it off, I wasn’t even sure all the units would fit in the house.

    But for us, it lands a little harder. The mental load of dealing with a school transfer with a new Local Authority, including an EHCP, school refusal and balancing work alongside is a lot. There were tears.

    The Things That Actually Help

    When everything feels like too much, I’ve learned that my body needs anchoring before my brain can catch up.

    For an immediate fix, my Rebel Rituals ‘ADHD as Fuck’ scent, which, while it won’t make me a focused machine, does help give me a hit of clarity when my brain’s gone rogue. SallyAnne is an absolute genius and so relatable in how life as a Neurodivergent peri-menoapusal woman affects us.

    Another product I couldn’t be without is NuMind Menopausal Support, a daily supplement which has transformed my sleep and anxiety. While HRT seemed to help those common symptoms, it had no impact at all on, for me, what were the more impactful symptoms. NuMind Menopause Support has given me back a full night’s sleep and reduced anxiety through those brain-busy moments. Life-changing…

    I use both of these products myself daily, I shout about them and love the companies behind them. I have affiliate links for both — use code FAY for 10% OFF at Rebel Rituals (AFF Link) and code FAYS20 for 20% OFF at NuMind (AFF Link)

    ADHD as Fuck - Rebel Rituals
    ADHD as Fuck – Rebel Rituals
    numind wellness - menopause support - charlotte hunter
    NuMind Wellness – Menopause Support

    Where We’re At Now…

    Of course, by the time it arrived, with a little help from my sis (moral support and dog distracting duties) and my essentials, it all went smoothly. The delivery drivers couldn’t have been more helpful, and the units all fit into the dining room… just!

    The flooring should be completed by the end of the week, pipes that needed moving have been moved, and the kitchen fitter will arrive next week.

    Follow along on Instagram for updates, and come back Friday for Farmhouse Friday #2 — where I’ll be showing you exactly where the kitchen is.

    Fay x

  • A new chapter, old walls, and why I started over: welcome to How Felicity Finds

    A new chapter, old walls, and why I started over: welcome to How Felicity Finds

    I’m currently standing in the chaos that is our ‘kitchen’. The floor is still to be levelled and laid, and the kitchen is due to arrive next week. I’m beginning to wonder why I decided that documenting our Victorian farmhouse renovation and rebranding was a good idea! So many women are reaching their 40s and 50s, getting diagnosed with ADHD and/or navigating menopause — and realising they can’t keep living the way they always have… so they start again. Sound familiar?

    The community I built with ADHD Menopause and Me has been amazing. My account was initially set up to support me and my kids through some pretty tough years. We went from a ‘typical’ family to an ND family with diagnoses of Dyslexia, Delayed Processing, ADHD and now Autism. All in the space of 5 years. I was trying to navigate menopause and raise awareness, but I couldn’t understand why I found it so hard. Walking alongside my boys through their diagnosis journeys taught me something unexpected. I was neurodivergent too. Suddenly, a lifetime of feelings I couldn’t explain began to make sense.

    My journey looks different now. The boys are older, and life has shifted. But you are still here — and that means everything. I can’t wait to share this next chapter with you.

    How We Got Here

    Our youngest’s move to secondary school was, in a word, hard. What we’d hoped would be a fresh start quickly revealed itself to be something more significant. His struggles were deeper and more complex than any of us had fully understood.

    Over the years that followed, getting him into school at all became the daily battle. Alongside the dyslexia and ADHD we already knew about, it became increasingly clear that he was also autistic with a PDA profile. Once we understand that, so much of what had felt confusing suddenly makes sense. But his difficulties at school were almost secondary to what was happening socially. Too trusting, too easily led, and younger than his years in ways that weren’t always visible on the surface. I watched him begin to form friendships that worried me. Find himself in situations I couldn’t always protect him from.

    It was a lot. For him, and for all of us.

    At the same time, life was shifting in other ways. Our two eldest had flown the nest, and for the first time in years, there was space. Space to breathe, to think, and to ask what came next. More than a decade earlier, we had built our first home from the ground up, and that itch had never really gone away.

    So we made a decision. A deliberate, wholehearted one. We would move somewhere rural, somewhere slower, somewhere that might give Sam a genuine fresh start in an environment that actually suited him — and give us a new project to pour ourselves into, while still being a home our boys could always come back to.

    What How Felicity Finds is now

    If you’d asked me a year ago what this space was going to become, I’m not sure I could have told you. But standing in the middle of a half-finished Victorian farmhouse in North Yorkshire, covered in renovation dust with an ADHD brain running at full speed and a body doing its best impression of a malfunctioning thermostat, it became pretty clear.

    How Felicity Finds is the honest version of this chapter.

    It’s the farmhouse — Hall Farm, Victorian, Grade II listed, full of original features and full of renovation challenges I absolutely did not anticipate. I’ll be sharing every step of the restoration here, the wins, the disasters, the moments where we question every decision we’ve ever made. And of course, the ones where we look at an original sash window and remember exactly why we did this.

    It’s the village — Thornton-le-Dale is the kind of place you move to and immediately wonder why you didn’t do it sooner. The beck, the countryside, the slower pace of it all. I want to share what rural life actually looks like when you swap a village just outside the busy city of York for somewhere with a slower pace, woodland in your back garden and the North Yorks Moors on your doorstep.

    It’s the ND life — I’m AuDHD and menopausal and a mum to three boys who each come with their own version of complex, and I’m not going to pretend any of that is straightforward. The real talk about neurodivergence, perimenopause, and parenting ND kids stays, because it’s part of every single day here, and it deserves to be spoken about honestly.

    And it’s the finds — the things that actually help. Products, tools, places, services that make life in this particular messy, beautiful chaos a little more manageable. Always honest, never just because I’ve been asked.

    If you’re a woman in your forties navigating a big life change — or dreaming of one — and you want company that doesn’t pretend it’s easy, you are absolutely in the right place.

    What’s coming…

    I have a lot planned, and for once, the ADHD hyperfocus is working entirely in our favour.

    Every Friday, I’ll be posting a Farmhouse Friday update — one room, one decision, one honest account of where we are with the restoration. We’re starting with the bathroom, which is the one space we’ve actually finished, and working our way through the rest of the house in real time. No staged reveals, no waiting until it’s perfect. You’re getting it as it happens.

    I’m also putting together a proper guide to Thornton-le-Dale — the walks, the places to eat, the things the locals know that don’t make it onto any tourist website. If you’ve ever thought about making a move like this, I want that guide to be the thing that helps you imagine it for yourself.

    And the AuDHD and menopause content isn’t going anywhere. In fact, I’ve got a post coming that I’ve been wanting to write for months about what executive dysfunction actually looks like when you’re also trying to manage a renovation, a family, and a rebrand simultaneously. Spoiler: it looks exactly as chaotic as you’d imagine.

    The best way to keep up is to follow along on Instagram at @how_felicity_finds, or subscribe below to get new posts straight to your inbox. No spam, no schedules — just a new post when it’s ready.

    This is a new chapter. The walls are old, the floors are (mostly) original, and I am very much a work in progress — but that’s rather the point.

    I’m glad you’re here. I hope you stay.

    Fay x

  • ADHD Jobs – What Suits Us Best?

    ADHD Jobs – What Suits Us Best?

    I originally wrote this post back in April 2023, and I can’t believe how much has happened in 3 small years, and how I’m pretty much back to square one again. Back in 2023, I was looking at senior school places for Sam and possibly full-time work for me. Little did I know that it would be the start of the hardest years both Sam and I have been through, and that, far from being settled in full-time work, I am back to job hunting and still trying to find an educational setting that suits Sam. So are there such things as ADHD jobs? Jobs that are more suited to our ND brains.

    ADHD Brains

    ADHD brains are very different from neurotypical brains. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental condition that causes differences in the brain related to attention, behaviour, and activity levels, including impulsivity and hyperactivity. Researchers are learning more and more about brain development and ADHD. In fact, research has shown that individuals with ADHD may have areas of the brain that mature more slowly or have different activity levels than a neurotypical brain. Some brain differences may change as a child matures.

    Many individuals with ADHD have spent a lot of their lives being told that they are somehow not good enough, or ‘deficient’. Women in particular may have spent all their childhood and a lot of their adulthood undiagnosed, wondering why they have never fully achieved the potential they know they have. It’s so important to realise that ADHD has many positive traits. And actually, employers nowadays are actively seeking our natural talents and personality characteristics.

    What we have to offer!

    Individuals with ADHD have the following amazing traits:

    • Enhanced creativity and imagination
    • Greater resilience
    • Compassion and empathy
    • Greater problem-solving abilities
    • Talents for multitasking
    • The willingness to help or mentor others
    • An enhanced capacity for leadership
    • Positive, people-oriented interpersonal skills
    • Greater adaptability
    • Higher energy

    Now you know how amazing you really are, so start thinking about what type of job you might like, or what might suit your specific skill set and traits. There are definitely some jobs that are suited to those with ADHD.

    ADHD Friendly Jobs

    So just what types of jobs should we be looking at? A main consideration should, of course, be what you are passionate about! We all know that we need to stay interested to keep motivated. That said, the creative, engaging, and interactive professions listed below make the most of ADHD traits such as empathy, energy, enthusiasm, and hyperfocus.

    • Teacher / Early Years Practitioner / SENDCO
    • Journalist / Copy Editor / Graphic Designer
    • Artist / Actor / Stage Manager
    • Chef / Restaurant Manager
    • Beautician / Hairstylist / Stylist
    • Police / Fire Services / Paramedic / Nurse
    • Computer Technician / Software Developer
    • Small Business Owner / Entrepreneur

    A survey twenty years ago (2003) commissioned by BBC2 for Mind of a Millionaire, found evidence that 40% of entrepreneurs are likely to be neurodivergent, four times the national average. More recently, studies have found that individuals with ADHD are significantly more likely to become entrepreneurs.

    Moving forward – Living with ADHD

    So there we have it, there is a myriad of ADHD-friendly jobs out there for us, we just have to figure out which one we want. Then work ourselves up to applying, and somehow get through the interview #NoPressure. For me, there is still a lot of thinking to do. I love my current job and love who I work with, but I’d like to work more hours and have more flexibility. The thought of entering the job market again is causing me anxiety, though. Is it worth it?

    I’d love to hear from any other women out there who have changed careers or jobs after being late diagnosed with ADHD. How did you find it? Did you relish the change?

    Fay x

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  • Intrusive Thoughts – What Are They and Why Do We Get Them

    Intrusive Thoughts – What Are They and Why Do We Get Them

    trigger warning – #self-harm #suicidalideation #Homicidalideations #SExualviolence

    Intrusive thoughts are a common symptom of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). However, they can also be triggered by menopause. But what exactly are negative thoughts, why do we get them, and what do they mean?

    What are Intrusive Thoughts?

    Intrusive thoughts are distressing and unwanted thoughts, images or urges that suddenly pop into your mind. They can be very varied, but usually take the form of:

    Doubts: “What if my baby stopped breathing?” “What if I shook the baby?”

    Images: The image of the house burning down because the hair straighteners were not switched off.

    Impulses: Urge to crash into the car in front of you, urge to hit your baby when they won’t stop crying.

    Thoughts: “The kitchen surfaces must be disinfected before I cook”, “Everything must be in the right place before I leave the house.”

    ADHD & Intrusive Thoughts

    Having an inattentive brain can make us vulnerable to experiencing obsessive and repetitive thoughts. People with the Inattentive Type of ADHD often find their minds wandering elsewhere and forget what they are doing or where they are going. In contrast, the thoughts of a hyperactive ADHD brain may be more aggressive or intrusive than those of a neurotypical brain. 

    This blog post by the Mini ADHD Coach explains exactly why it happens to us.

    Menopause & Intrusive Thoughts

    Since the body experiences vital hormonal changes, menopause directly impacts mental and emotional well-being. Intrusive thoughts can become commonplace during menopause as hormone levels are falling. This can lead to feelings of worry, fear and sadness, which can cause distress. Night terrors can also become commonplace. Some women also feel suicidal, but often without feeling the need to act on it. 

    My Story

    It’s still rarely talked about due to its darker nature. Consequently, many of us believe we are alone in these thoughts, which exacerbates feelings of shame and guilt.

    My earliest memory of intrusive thoughts was as a teenager. I remember thoughts would just come into my head about harming others, about being raped, and about harming myself. I had no idea what these were and was so ashamed that I never mentioned them to anyone.

    When I became a mother, and my PND (now known as undiagnosed ADHD) was at its worst, the thoughts returned and were very much based around my boys and harm to them, or my ability to be a mother and why I should be there.

    A recent study of new mothers showed that 100 per cent of new mums had worrying thoughts about their baby being harmed accidentally, and 50 per cent had worrying thoughts about harming their baby in some way. These thoughts were the most worrying for new mums.

    When menopause hit, the intrusive thoughts returned with a vengeance. Thoughts of driving the car at speed into the middle barrier, suicidal thoughts, and thoughts about my boys being harmed or killed when they were out were all commonplace at one point.

    Why Do Intrusive Thoughts Happen?

    The exact reasons why intrusive thoughts happen are still being researched, but there are a few main theories:

    • Misfiring Brain Circuits: One theory suggests that intrusive thoughts might be caused by temporary glitches in the brain circuits involved in processing thoughts and emotions. These misfires could lead to unwanted thoughts popping into your head.
    • Evolved Defence Mechanism: Another theory proposes that intrusive thoughts might be an evolutionary leftover. Perhaps they stem from a primal urge to identify and avoid potential dangers. However, in the modern world, these thoughts can become exaggerated or irrelevant, causing distress.
    • Attention and Anxiety: Obsessive thoughts can also be linked to how we pay attention. When we focus on avoiding a particular thought, it can ironically make it more likely to appear. Additionally, anxiety and stress can make us more aware of our thoughts, amplifying the presence of intrusive ones.

    What Do Intrusive Thoughts Mean?

    Intrusive thoughts themselves don’t necessarily have a deep meaning. They are simply unwanted thoughts, images, or urges that pop into your head and can be quite disturbing or upsetting.

    Here’s what intrusive thoughts don’t mean:

    • They don’t mean you’re a bad person: Having these kinds of thoughts doesn’t reflect your morality or character. Most people experience them, and the content itself doesn’t define you.
    • They don’t mean you’ll act on them: The overwhelming majority of people with intrusive thoughts never act on them. The thoughts are distressing precisely because they go against your values.

    For me, getting my sleep sorted, getting the right HRT sorted, and trying to reduce the stress in my life have helped enormously. Although recently I’ve noticed a return. For me, though, the biggest help is knowing that they are not a reflection of me personally and that I’m not alone.

    Do you suffer from? How do you deal with it?

    Fay x

    NB: If intrusive thoughts become overwhelming or significantly disrupt your daily life, please seek professional help.

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  • The Complex Trio: How ADHD, Autism, and Menopause Impact Sleep

    The Complex Trio: How ADHD, Autism, and Menopause Impact Sleep

    The Complex Trio: How ADHD, Autism, and Menopause Impact Sleep

    For many women (myself included), menopause brings a wave of changes, and disrupted sleep is often a frustrating symptom. I found it to be the hardest symptom of menopause to cope with, and HRT didn’t help. But what if you also have to navigate the complexities of ADHD or autism? This trifecta can create a perfect storm for sleep issues. Here’s why and what you can do to reclaim restful nights.

    The Science Behind Sleep Disruption:

    • Menopause and Sleep: Fluctuations in estrogen and progesterone during menopause can disrupt the body’s natural sleep-wake cycle, leading to hot flashes, night sweats, and difficulty falling asleep1
    • ADHD and Sleep: People with ADHD often experience hyperarousal, making it difficult to wind down before bed. Additionally, sleep problems can worsen ADHD symptoms, like inattention and impulsivity
    • Autism and Sleep: Sensory sensitivities and social anxiety can make it challenging to relax and fall asleep. Disruptions in routine, a common feature of autism, can further exacerbate sleep problems.

    The Interconnected Web:

    These conditions can create a vicious cycle. Poor sleep can worsen ADHD symptoms like inattention and impulsivity, making it harder to manage daily tasks and stress, which can then further disrupt sleep. Similarly, sleep deprivation can exacerbate anxiety and sensory sensitivities in individuals with autism.

    Strategies for a More Restful You:

    • Establish a Consistent Sleep Schedule: Go to bed and wake up at the same time each day, even on weekends, to regulate your body’s natural sleep-wake cycle2.
    • Create a Relaxing Bedtime Routine: Develop a calming pre-sleep ritual that includes taking a warm bath, reading a book, or practising gentle stretches.
    • Optimise Your Sleep Environment: Make your bedroom cool, dark, and quiet. Invest in blackout curtains, earplugs, and a comfortable mattress3.
    • Manage Menopausal Symptoms: Talk to your doctor about options to manage hot flashes and night sweats, such as hormone replacement therapy (HRT) or lifestyle modifications like avoiding caffeine and spicy foods before bed4.
    • Address Underlying ADHD/Autism Needs: Consider cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) to manage ADHD symptoms and build healthy sleep habits. For individuals with autism, addressing sensory sensitivities and creating predictable routines can promote better sleep.
    • Light and Exercise: Get regular exposure to natural light during the day, but avoid screens in the evening. Regular exercise, ideally several hours before bedtime, can improve sleep quality.

    What helped me:

    While HRT did get rid of the night sweats pretty much immediately, I still really struggled with sleep. It was definitely the most debilitating symptom of menopause, which I now know was due to my ADHD, too. Over the last 8 years, I’ve tried a lot of aids to try and help. The two below ensure I always have a great night’s sleep.

    • This Works Sleep Plus Pillow Spray: A supersized, fast-acting, motion-activated sleep spray for restless sleepers. 99% natural with encapsulated Lavender, Camomile and Vetivert essential oils, shown to help restore normal sleep patterns. I cannot recommend this highly enough for helping you just get off to sleep every evening. £38.00, 100ml.
    • Nu Mind Wellness Menopause Supplement: #AFF An all-in-one formula combines 40 scientifically backed ingredients expertly blended to effectively manage the symptoms of perimenopause, menopause & beyond. One daily sachet delivers 6 powerful formulas – a multivitamin, minerals, adaptogens, flower remedies, menopause support blend and more – working together to help you reclaim your calm during menopause. This, for me, was an absolute game-changer and has transformed my sleep! I couldn’t be without these supplements. £74.99, 30-day supply (or save 25% using my affiliate link above).

    Remember, you’re not alone! Millions of women navigate this complex web of challenges. By understanding the connections between ADHD, autism, menopause, and sleep, you can implement strategies to promote better rest and reclaim your well-being.

    Fay x

    1. ADHD, Menopause and Insomnia | ADHD, Menopause and Me (adhdmenopauseandme.co.uk) ↩︎
    2. Sleep Hygiene – What is it? | Wellbeing | ADHD, Menopause and Me (adhdmenopauseandme.co.uk) ↩︎
    3. How Much Sleep Do You Need? | Sleep Foundation ↩︎
    4. Perimenopause Diet | 5 Things I’ve cut from my diet | How Felicity Finds ↩︎
  • Jobs for People with ADHD

    Jobs for People with ADHD

    ADHD Strengths

    Prevalence of ADHD in adults in the UK

    NHS data suggests that around 3-4% of UK adults may have ADHD, although diagnosis rates are lower than this. Furthermore, due to greater awareness and improved access to health services, diagnoses are increasing. However, there are still long waiting lists across the UK, even within private diagnostic services. Historically, ADHD was more commonly diagnosed in children, but the demand for adult assessments has surged in recent years. If like me, you spent years moving from job to job/promotion to promotion, suddenly things make sense. Perfectionism, Rejection Sensitivity and Impulsivity are just some symptoms that don’t make sticking to the same job easy. So, are there such things as jobs for people with ADHD?

    ADHD Symptoms

    There are three presentations of ADHD (detailed here) and symptoms can vary greatly from person to person. There are also specific stages in life where symptoms can be exacerbated such as puberty for both sexes; and post-childbirth and menopause for women. Many women have lived the majority of their lives being misdiagnosed with anxiety or depression. They then find when they hit menopause (coincidently when their children may have not long been diagnosed themselves) that life becomes unbearably difficult.

    According to research, around 50-75% of women with ADHD are undiagnosed in childhood, often struggling with symptoms that are masked by coping mechanisms or misinterpreted as personality traits like being forgetful or disorganised. However, late diagnosis continues due to lingering misconceptions about how ADHD presents differently in males and females.

    ADHD Strengths

    We now know that neurodivergence brings with it some specific skills. What is even more exciting is that these skills are now highly sought after in the workplace! But what are those skills, how can you set yourself apart for NTs (neurotypicals) in the job market?

    • Ability to stay focused on a topic or activity of interest for long periods.
    • Outside-the-box thinking, which can lead to innovative solutions to challenges.
    • Strong observational skills and attention to detail.
    • Superior ability to recognise patterns, including in codes and behaviours.
    • Strong skills in areas such as music, art, technology, and science.

    Examples of Jobs for adults with ADHD

    Here are some job suggestions that align with your strengths, making them a good fit for individuals with ADHD:

    1. Creative Fields:
      • Graphic Designer
      • Photographer
      • Writer/Journalist
      • Marketing Specialist
      • Video Editor
    2. Entrepreneurship:
      • Freelancer (design, writing, consulting, etc.)
      • Small Business Owner
    3. Fast-paced or Physical Jobs:
      • Event Planner
      • Chef or Cook
      • Paramedic
      • Sales Representative
      • Personal Trainer
    4. Helping Professions:
      • Teacher (particularly special education and early education)
      • Therapist or Counselor
      • Social Worker
      • Nurse
    5. Tech & Engineering:
      • Software Developer
      • IT Specialist
      • Data Analyst
    6. Project-based Work:
      • Consultant
      • Architect
      • Researcher
      • Project Manager
    7. Outdoor or Active Work:
      • Landscape Gardener
      • Construction Worker
      • Gamekeeper
      • Land Manager / Park Ranger

    It’s important to consider environments that provide flexibility, and clear structure when needed. Finding a career that plays to your strengths, can lead to long-term satisfaction and success.

    Fay x

  • ADHD, Autism and Transition

    ADHD, Autism and Transition

    ADHD, Autism and Transition

    Transition can be tricky for everyone, especially for those with ADHD and Autism (ASC). These conditions can make shifting gears between activities, places, or routines hard. Both Sam and I struggle with transition, and while Sam is still learning how to cope and support himself, I can at least recognise the signs in both of us and support him as best I can.

    What is a transition?

    The English dictionary describes transition as ‘a change from one form or type to another, or the process by which this happens.’

    We all think about obvious transitions in our lives, like moving house or marriage. But there are everyday transitions that lots of people won’t even realise are transitions. Transitions that, for most people, are taken completely for granted.

    Examples of BIG transitions

    • Starting or ending a romantic relationship
    • Becoming a parent
    • Experiencing a loss
    • Reaching milestone ages
    • Serious illness or injury
    • Starting/moving school
    • Changing career
    • Retirement
    • Moving to a new home
    • Travelling abroad

    Examples of everyday transitions

    • Waking up from sleep to getting out of bed.
    • Finishing breakfast and getting dressed.
    • Leaving the house and starting your commute.
    • Switching between different tasks/subjects throughout the day.
    • Shifting from work or school to home/relaxation.
    • Finishing dinner and starting your evening routine
    • Winding down from the day and preparing for sleep.
    • Putting away electronics and getting into pyjamas.
    • Falling asleep and transitioning from wakefulness to rest.

    Sam, in particular, struggles with the transition of getting ready for school. Up until recently, it had not occurred to me that this was a transition, despite me having my own coping mechanisms to deal with the same morning transition. I’ll try and do as much as I can the night before, look out clothes, pack bag, look out lunch, set out travel mug ready to just fill in the morning, etc. All these little things mean I have way fewer stresses on my executive function to deal with when I’m getting ready.

    So why do those with ADHD and Autism struggle in particular with transition?

    There’s a two-pronged answer to why people with ADHD and ASC struggle with transitions:

    1. Challenges for Both ADHD and ASC:

    • Executive Functioning: Both conditions can affect executive functioning skills like planning, organising, and shifting focus. Transitions require these skills to mentally prepare for the next activity, making them inherently difficult.
    • Predictability and Routine: Furthermore, ADHD and ASC often thrive on predictability and routine. Transitions disrupt established routines and introduce uncertainty, which can be anxiety-provoking and disorienting.
    • Sensory Processing: Many individuals with ADHD or ASC experience sensory sensitivities. Changes in the environment or stimulation during transitions can overwhelm and disrupt focus.

    2. Specific Challenges:

    • ADHD:
      • Hyperfocus and Inertia: People with ADHD can become hyperfocused, making it hard to switch gears away from a rewarding activity. Conversely, starting a new activity can feel overwhelming, leading to inertia (resistance to starting).
      • Time Management and Emotional Regulation: Transitions often involve time constraints, and people with ADHD may struggle to estimate time accurately, making transitions feel rushed and stressful. Additionally, managing emotions like frustration or anxiety during transitions can be challenging.
      • Reward System: Some theories suggest ADHD brains have a different reward system. Transitions disrupt the flow of the current activity, which can be less rewarding, making it harder to switch gears.
    • ASC:
      • Social Cues: Understanding social cues related to transitions can be difficult for someone with ASC. Body language or facial expressions signalling a transition might be missed, leading to confusion or frustration.
      • Need for Processing Time: People with ASC may need more processing time to adjust to changes. Transitions can feel abrupt and overwhelming without this time to prepare mentally.

    Remember, the severity of these challenges varies for each individual. Understanding these factors can help us develop strategies to support people with ADHD and ASC through transitions.

    For me, it is mostly executive function, so for morning struggles, as said, I try to do as much as possible in advance. However, I also need a lot of processing time, so having to get myself and two boys ready means getting up 30 minutes earlier so I can get myself ready, and then focus on them when I wake them.

    Sam struggles with not only the transition of getting ready, but also the sensory side of the school uniform. Seams being noticeable, clothes being tight or restrictive and scratchy fabrics close to skin can all be triggers for him. Add to that his need for predictability and routine, trying to regulate his emotions in a new situation, and his struggle with any loss of autonomy, then, as you can imagine, transition days in his new school are proving tough.

    So how can we help?

    Here are some tips for both ADHD and ASC:

    • Prepare for Change: Announce upcoming transitions well in advance, both verbally and visually (with timers, pictures, or checklists). Sam doesn’t cope with a lot of verbal interaction in the morning, so a lot of our cues are visual hand signals and pictures.
    • Chunk it Down: Break down large transitions into smaller, more manageable steps.
    • Provide Choices: Offer some control over the transition process (e.g., picking a goodbye song or choosing which shoes to wear first). For Sam, this works well as it really gives him the feeling of being in control.
    • Create a Predictable Routine: Establish routines for before, during, and after transitions to provide a sense of security.
    • Sensory Support: For sensory sensitivities, offer calming tools like fidget toys or noise-cancelling headphones during transitions. I never go anywhere without my fidget toy! For Sam, ensuring his socks are right makes a huge difference to the rest of the transition.

    Additional Tips for ASC:

    • Social Cues: Help with interpreting social cues related to transitions, like body language or facial expressions.
    • Safe Space: Provide a designated quiet space to de-stimulate after a busy transition. I love the drive home after work on my own to regulate myself. Sam loves a dark, quiet room when he’s particularly struggling.

    So, as we move from Easter holidays to BTS tomorrow morning, wish us luck. Not only are we transitioning from holidays to term time, but also the simple transition of getting ready and out of the house. And Sam is transitioning to a whole new school!

    Morning is definitely a hard transition for all of us. Another small transition I personally struggle with is moving from task to task at work. And big transitions I struggle with are travelling abroad and moving house. Do you have particular transitions that you struggle with? What have you found that helps?

    Fay x

  • 10 Signs I Have ADHD (from my childhood)

    10 Signs I Have ADHD (from my childhood)

    I was lying awake last night; as often it does, my brain ran away at 100 miles an hour. That’s when it came to me, I remembered how when I was young at school, I was always daydreaming. And in fact, I used to fall asleep quite a lot too. Suddenly, more memories started to flood back, and the signs that I have ADHD seemed really obvious.

    It’s been reported in The Observer that Dr Tony Lloyd of the ADHD Foundation charity suggested there has been a 400% increase in the number of adults seeking diagnosis since 2020. I know that one of the biggest factors when looking at ADHD in older women is whether the symptoms were there in childhood. So I thought it’d probably be a good indicator to go back over my younger life.

    1. Fatigue

    I slept a lot! I was still having a nap every day when I started primary school – the boys did too. And remember, quite often falling asleep in class for a long time (even into secondary school!).

    2. Daydreaming

    I daydreamed a lot too. In fact, I think it was commented on in pretty much every school report I had in primary school. I still remember being pulled up on it in secondary school for it but knew by then I had to feign interest at least. Or wangle sitting at the window near the back to hide LOL.

    3. Exaggerated Emotional Responses

    I was always dramatic, but coming from an ‘Am Dram’ (Amateur Dramatic) family I guess it was just taken as par for the course. But I remember ‘feeling’ things a lot deeper than others. I could read a room at the drop of a hat and I learnt that my gut was always spot on very early.

    4. Cries easily

    Following on from above, I really do remember crying a lot. Crying with happiness, crying in pain, whatever the emotion I would pretty much always cry (and I still do), even a 30-sec advert could make me cry.

    5. Disorganised and messy

    I was never very good at tidying my room and luckily I had a room of my own, but I do remember the feeling of calm when it was tidy. I learned early on that I much preferred a tidy environment, to the point of extreme. My school books and work were always immaculate, as is my work desk now. However, my bedroom floor was, and is, always covered in clothes; and don’t even ask to see in my car now.

    6. Highly sensitive to noise and fabrics

    I always remember labels on clothes annoying me massively, to the point of distraction. But I thought everyone was the same, it wasn’t till I saw my boys cutting their labels out (I wouldn’t have dared LOL) and read up, I realised it was Sensory Processing Disorder.

    I like my music loud, the louder the better, and I listen to the same song or album over and over for months at a time. Whilst more than one person talking to/near me makes me want to scream in pain, when I need to concentrate, then loud music is an absolute must. It drowns out the constant ‘noise’ in my head. My own internal monologue follows me through life 24/7.

    7. Slamming Doors

    Now this is absolutely me, I still slam doors to this day, and I find it really hard not to when I’m angry. I noticed that Sam does the same, and between us, we have broken so many door fixings. I remember doing it when I’d left home and lived with my first husband (I had a lot to be angry about). No memories of massively doing when I was young and at home, but then I don’t remember being that angry then.

    Often late (poor time management)

    Now this is a funny one, as until menopause, I was never late, like never ever. So, on initial glance, this looks like one that doesn’t fit me. But taking some time to look a little closer, I realised that actually I (with help from mum) had just developed an extreme coping strategy to help. I would always be very, very early. I would be super early for school, I would be super early for work, and I would be stupidly early for travelling anywhere. I even rehearsed/planned journeys to ensure my timings were accurate.

    Poor Self-Image

    I’ve always struggled with my self-image, bullied through my junior years of primary school. I learned that humour was my coping mechanism. I spent secondary school knowing I didn’t ‘fit in’, but luckily found my tribe, and we hid in the music block. I have always struggled to look in the mirror and never really look at myself and think I look nice.

    Takes Time to Process Information

    For as long as I can remember, I would always say ‘what’ after someone spoke to me. I remember because my mum would always correct me (as I do with my boys now) and say ‘Pardon, not what! However, before whoever was speaking could repeat what they had said, I would have replied. I still do it now, and I know now that it isn’t because I wasn’t listening or didn’t hear, but because it takes my brain a little bit longer to process what a person has just said.

    ADHD Combined Type

    Looking back now, I can see the signs that I have ADHD so clearly. But for a lot of girls and women, as it was for me, it is brushed off as hormones. As being too this or too that; as having depression or anxiety. We don’t display the classic ‘hyperactive naughty behaviour’ that is still so intrinsically linked to ADHD. Our hyperactivity is quite often in the mind a lot of the time, a brain racing that never stops. The inattentive trait is fobbed off as daydreaming. Our impulsivity can be seen in relationships or purchase habits, rather than in dangerous play or activities.

    So, how did you first realise you may have ADHD? Can you see the same symptoms in your childhood?! I’d love to know your experience in the comments below.

    Fay x

  • HRT Treatment – Types of HRT

    HRT Treatment – Types of HRT

    So I’ve been on HRT for approx. a year now (I can’t believe it’s only been a year LOL). I’ve been having a few concerns about things that may or may not be connected to the types of HRT I’m taking. Before I go into the issues and concerns I’ve been having, I thought it would be useful to explain a little more about HRT Treatment.

    What is HRT?

    HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) replaces the hormones that a woman’s body stops producing during Perimenopause and Menopause.

    The 2 hormones used in HRT are:

    • Oestrogen
    • Progestogen

    HRT is offered as either Oestrogen-only HRT or combined HRT (Oestrogen & Progestogen).

    Body Identical HRT

    Body-identical or bioidentical hormones include estrogen delivered through the skin in a patch, gel, or spray, and micronised progesterone, known as Utrogestan® in the UK. It is the safest and most regulated type of HRT treatment.

    Body Identical Hormones – Click here to learn more

    Compounded Bioidentical Hormones – Click to learn more

    My HRT Journey

    Initially, like most women, I was put on the Evorel Conti (combined Estrogen & Progesterone) patch. After 3 months, it became apparent that it wasn’t quite having the effect we wanted. It did immediately help with night sweats and hot flushes, but not much else. God, I wanted to be one of those women who say HRT changed their lives overnight! I will add that alongside the HRT, I was also on Lisinopril (10mg) for my high blood pressure and Mirtazapine (30mg) for my depression and sleep issues, which we now know is probably much more likely to be the ADHD.

    Anyway, it was decided to increase the estrogen level to see if that helped. So this meant switching to a combination of Progesterone tablets and Estrogen patches at higher doses. This did seem to make a difference initially, and at the same time, I’d also found the NUMind wellness supplements, which I cannot tell you how much have helped my sleep. But over the next 6 months or so, I began to have some concerns.

    Is This Right?

    Weight gain

    When I started HRT, I noticed that I was slowly gaining weight. Initially, I put this down to being perimenopausal as I knew to expect possible weight gain, especially around my middle. However, when I started the patch/tablet combo, I noticed substantial weight gain. I also noticed that my bloating was getting substantially worse. In just over a year, I gained 3 stones and looked 9 months pregnant for the majority of the month.

    When I mentioned the weight gain in my first review, I was met with almost disdain, as if I was being vain. However, when I mentioned this time, the GP was so lovely and as concerned as I was, especially given how much is around my middle. In her words ‘Let’s make sure it’s not something we are giving you that is causing this before we look at other factors’. It was so refreshing and validating!

    We discussed Mirtazapine, which can cause increased appetite, and decided to reduce it to 15mg. I’d been put on the 30mg at the OT’s suggestion, to aid sleep, but I was happy to drop down.

    bloating

    As said, I’d also noticed the bloating was constant and quite uncomfortable. The GP explained that it could be water retention and bloating from the Utrogestan capsules I was taking. At the moment, I take these orally: 2 tablets for 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off. However, once you’ve been on it for over a year, you can change to one tablet every day. She also suggested that I switch to taking vaginally – cue my 11-year-old son’s mortified face as he was in the car when I took the call! She felt that taking it that way would localise the effect and hopefully cut out the water retention/bloating.

    memory

    Now, this is partly related to menopause but more to ADHD. I am absolutely rubbish at remembering things, especially if there is no real set routine. So applying patches twice a week was a kind of recipe for disaster. I asked if there was anything I could take daily along with all my other medications. She suggested that I move to try the gel, 3 pumps a day. So now, going from the medication I took daily, twice weekly and two weeks on two weeks off, I was now taking everything daily. Perfect!

    high bp

    I was also a little concerned about my high BP as it had risen again, so we also decided to raise the Lisinopril to 20mg from 10mg to see if that helped. I need to have a check-up and blood tests in two weeks to ensure my BP has come down and that my kidneys are okay on the higher dose.

    Moving Forward

    So I’m excited to start the new regime and see what happens. I also hope this gives you a little insight into the types of HRT and HRT treatment. I think for most women it isn’t that simple, an overnight fix, and we need to be able to have the knowledge to understand not only that, but also to question when we don’t feel something is right.

    What’s your experience of HRT so far? I’d really love to hear your stories in the comments below.

    Fay x