How Felicity Finds

Author: faystephenson

  • The Complex Trio: How ADHD, Autism, and Menopause Impact Sleep

    The Complex Trio: How ADHD, Autism, and Menopause Impact Sleep

    The Complex Trio: How ADHD, Autism, and Menopause Impact Sleep

    For many women (myself included), menopause brings a wave of changes, and disrupted sleep is often a frustrating symptom. I found it to be the hardest symptom of menopause to cope with, and HRT didn’t help. But what if you also have to navigate the complexities of ADHD or autism? This trifecta can create a perfect storm for sleep issues. Here’s why and what you can do to reclaim restful nights.

    The Science Behind Sleep Disruption:

    • Menopause and Sleep: Fluctuations in estrogen and progesterone during menopause can disrupt the body’s natural sleep-wake cycle, leading to hot flashes, night sweats, and difficulty falling asleep1
    • ADHD and Sleep: People with ADHD often experience hyperarousal, making it difficult to wind down before bed. Additionally, sleep problems can worsen ADHD symptoms, like inattention and impulsivity
    • Autism and Sleep: Sensory sensitivities and social anxiety can make it challenging to relax and fall asleep. Disruptions in routine, a common feature of autism, can further exacerbate sleep problems.

    The Interconnected Web:

    These conditions can create a vicious cycle. Poor sleep can worsen ADHD symptoms like inattention and impulsivity, making it harder to manage daily tasks and stress, which can then further disrupt sleep. Similarly, sleep deprivation can exacerbate anxiety and sensory sensitivities in individuals with autism.

    Strategies for a More Restful You:

    • Establish a Consistent Sleep Schedule: Go to bed and wake up at the same time each day, even on weekends, to regulate your body’s natural sleep-wake cycle2.
    • Create a Relaxing Bedtime Routine: Develop a calming pre-sleep ritual that includes taking a warm bath, reading a book, or practising gentle stretches.
    • Optimise Your Sleep Environment: Make your bedroom cool, dark, and quiet. Invest in blackout curtains, earplugs, and a comfortable mattress3.
    • Manage Menopausal Symptoms: Talk to your doctor about options to manage hot flashes and night sweats, such as hormone replacement therapy (HRT) or lifestyle modifications like avoiding caffeine and spicy foods before bed4.
    • Address Underlying ADHD/Autism Needs: Consider cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) to manage ADHD symptoms and build healthy sleep habits. For individuals with autism, addressing sensory sensitivities and creating predictable routines can promote better sleep.
    • Light and Exercise: Get regular exposure to natural light during the day, but avoid screens in the evening. Regular exercise, ideally several hours before bedtime, can improve sleep quality.

    What helped me:

    While HRT did get rid of the night sweats pretty much immediately, I still really struggled with sleep. It was definitely the most debilitating symptom of menopause, which I now know was due to my ADHD, too. Over the last 8 years, I’ve tried a lot of aids to try and help. The two below ensure I always have a great night’s sleep.

    • This Works Sleep Plus Pillow Spray: A supersized, fast-acting, motion-activated sleep spray for restless sleepers. 99% natural with encapsulated Lavender, Camomile and Vetivert essential oils, shown to help restore normal sleep patterns. I cannot recommend this highly enough for helping you just get off to sleep every evening. £38.00, 100ml.
    • Nu Mind Wellness Menopause Supplement: #AFF An all-in-one formula combines 40 scientifically backed ingredients expertly blended to effectively manage the symptoms of perimenopause, menopause & beyond. One daily sachet delivers 6 powerful formulas – a multivitamin, minerals, adaptogens, flower remedies, menopause support blend and more – working together to help you reclaim your calm during menopause. This, for me, was an absolute game-changer and has transformed my sleep! I couldn’t be without these supplements. £74.99, 30-day supply (or save 25% using my affiliate link above).

    Remember, you’re not alone! Millions of women navigate this complex web of challenges. By understanding the connections between ADHD, autism, menopause, and sleep, you can implement strategies to promote better rest and reclaim your well-being.

    Fay x

    1. ADHD, Menopause and Insomnia | ADHD, Menopause and Me (adhdmenopauseandme.co.uk) ↩︎
    2. Sleep Hygiene – What is it? | Wellbeing | ADHD, Menopause and Me (adhdmenopauseandme.co.uk) ↩︎
    3. How Much Sleep Do You Need? | Sleep Foundation ↩︎
    4. Perimenopause Diet | 5 Things I’ve cut from my diet | How Felicity Finds ↩︎
  • Restoring Hall Farm: From Historic Farmhouse to Family Home

    Restoring Hall Farm: From Historic Farmhouse to Family Home

    Restoring Hall Farm: From Historic Farmhouse to Family Home

    When we bought Hall Farm, we knew we were buying more than just a new house. We were buying a piece of Thornton-Le-Dale history. Consequently, as part of our renovation/planning application to North York Moors, we had to commission a heritage statement. It’s been fascinating to read and learn more about our new home.

    In the heart of the village, set back from the main road, lies Hall Farm — a structure with a rich past and a promising future. Originally established in the late 18th century, Hall Farm was constructed as a working farmhouse. Moreover, it was designed to support generations of tenant and owner-occupier farmers in this quiet corner of Yorkshire. There are still signs of its original use, which we can’t wait to restore. Over time, the building has witnessed the rhythms of the land, now in another winter marked by hearth-fires and strong Yorkshire winds. I’d love to know what stories lie beneath the decades of paint and plaster…

    Through the Victorian era, the farm adapted: improvements were made, outbuildings added. The farmhouse itself saw modest extensions to accommodate growing farm households. In the 20th century, agricultural practices changed, and small farms struggled to remain viable. Hall Farm changed hands and ceased to function as a full-scale working farm. While the structure remained, many original features were altered or lost. Over the past decade, the home has gradually fallen from its former glory.

    Hall Farm Renovation, Thornton-Le-Dale

    We are excited to be part of a new chapter for Hall Farm: the property is undergoing careful renovation and conversion back into a family home, with a deep respect for its heritage. We aim to restore original features where possible — exposed stone walls, timber beams, historic windows. While sensitively introducing modern comforts: heating, insulation, and family-friendly layouts. We are committed to honouring the building’s past as a working farm while bringing it back to life as a place of warmth, domesticity and family-centred living.

    As we progress, we hope Hall Farm will again echo with laughter, footsteps on old floorboards, and the smells of home-cooking. A true restoration of its former glory, blending history and home in one beautiful place. Stay tuned for updates as this restoration journey unfolds.

    Fay x

  • Seeing Our Kitchen, Boot Room & Utility Designs for the First Time

    Seeing Our Kitchen, Boot Room & Utility Designs for the First Time

    Kitchen Design Planning Process

    There’s something magical about the moment you finally receive the first proper designs for your kitchen, boot room, and utility. After months of planning, measuring, mood-boarding, and daydreaming, suddenly it all becomes real. Today, that moment arrived for us, and it feels like the start of a whole new chapter in bringing this old house back to life.

    When the email arrived this morning from James at Omega PLC, I was in full work mode, but I couldn’t help myself…

    Like a Child at Christmas

    Opening the email felt a bit like opening a present you’ve been waiting ages to open. Each image suggestion offered a glimpse into how some of the oldest rooms in the home will function for us in day-to-day life. For a neurodiverse household like ours, flow, clarity, and intuitive organisation aren’t just nice-to-haves—they’re essential. And seeing it all mapped out so thoughtfully was genuinely exciting.

    The proposed kitchen layout balances practicality with warmth, giving us a space that feels welcoming without compromising on storage or efficiency. The boot room design is particularly exciting: a designated drop zone for muddy shoes, bags, coats, and everyday chaos. If any space is going to save our sanity on busy mornings, it’s that one. And the utility room feels like the unsung hero—tucked away but designed to make laundry, cleaning, and general household upkeep run so much smoother.

    Family-Friendly Kitchen Design

    Through the whole kitchen design planning process we very much wanted to keep a traditional feel to the kitchen. In terms of look, colour and cabinet hardware; but also ensuring that it had a timeless feel with a modern shaker style.

    Of course, seeing the first round of designs also sparks a flood of ideas. Maybe you want to tweak the lighting positions, add more built-in storage, shift a window, or incorporate materials that echo the original character of the house. This early stage is all about refining, imagining, and making sure the design truly reflects how your family lives.

    I added the boot room detail from the original concept, along with a tall cabinet specifically to house the ironing board, mop etc. But am especially excited about my pull out ‘drawers’ under the washer & dryer, so I can place the wash baskets on when filling/emptying the machines. Oh and my pot tap above the range!

    Now that the designs are here, everything feels more tangible. It’s the start of transforming these essential rooms into spaces that work for our family—not just aesthetically, but practically, emotionally, and functionally. And honestly? It feels incredibly exciting.

    I’d love to know what you can’t live without in your kitchen, or something you wish you had? Comment below, can’t wait to hear!

    Fay x

  • Moving to Thornton-Le-Dale: The Complete Relocation & Living Guide

    Moving to Thornton-Le-Dale: The Complete Relocation & Living Guide

    Thinking about Thornton-Le-Dale

    Thornton-le-Dale (also known as Thornton Dale) is a picture-postcard village on the edge of the North York Moors, about three miles east of Pickering; it’s known for its thatched cottages, small beck and busy tourist trade, especially in summer. If you’re weighing up moving to Thornton-Le-Dale for family life, this guide walks you through the practical decisions, local services, schooling and integration tips so you can make an informed move.

    Is Thornton-Le-Dale the right fit? Decision framework

    Moving rurally is about trade-offs. Use this simple decision matrix: list what you must have (schools, job commute limit, broadband), would like (community groups, play spaces) and dealbreakers (long hospital journeys, no public transport).

    Questions to answer

    • What’s your commute tolerance? (time & flexibility)
    • Can you work remotely if transport isn’t ideal?
    • Do you want a strong village community vs more anonymity?

    Housing types, market and typical considerations

    Thornton-le-Dale offers cottages, period houses and small modern builds. Many properties are older with character, which means attractive features but also maintenance obligations — especially if a property is listed (see the restoration guide for detailed planning). When house-hunting, factor in: roof condition, damp, insulation, and whether windows or fittings are original (replacement may need consent).

    Actionable checklist for viewings

    • Ask for recent drainage & damp reports.
    • Check for evidence of thatch/roof repairs.
    • Find the property’s listing status via the local council or Historic England.

    Schools and childcare

    Families often prioritise local schools. Thornton Dale is served by Thornton Dale Church of England Primary School, a small village primary with local catchment arrangements. Ofsted rated as Good/Outstanding in 2025 — phone the school for admissions and up-to-date guidance. thorntondaleprimaryschool.org

    Secondary schools: older children typically travel to nearby towns (for example Pickering) for secondary education—check transport and catchment zones early in your planning.

    Specialist schools: Wellburn Hall in Kirbymoorside is the Local Authority maintained school. Ofsted rated as Good in 2022 – phone the school for admissions and up-to-date guidance. https://www.welburn-hall.n-yorks.sch.uk

    Tip: Visit the school during term time to get a feel for daily life

    Amenities, community life and outdoor access

    Thornton-le-Dale punches above its weight for a village: cafés, pubs, a market green, tearooms, antique shops, a gift shop, a book/craft store and a motor museum. Plus, easy access to Dalby Forest and stunning walking routes — great for families who love the outdoors. The village is popular with visitors, especially in summer, which can make life a little busier, but it’s also part of it’s charm.

    How to test community fit

    • Visit at different times of the week and visit cafes and shops.
    • Look for local Facebook groups or the village noticeboard.
    • Check the parish council noticeboard/village shop for events and volunteer opportunities.

    Transport and commuting

    Thornton-le-Dale is rural: many families rely on cars. For commuting, check drive times at the hour you would travel (peak vs off-peak). Public buses and seasonal services operate in the area, but schedules can be limited — factor this into daily routines.

    Packing tip: Keep your pantry stocked with essentials and an emergency kit (medicines, medical supplies, torch, snow shovel etc.) during the first winter in a rural property.

    Healthcare and services

    Primary healthcare is generally delivered in nearby towns. Ask the GP surgery & dentist about registering new patients and where the nearest urgent care or A&E services are. There is a pharmacy and post office in the village. The local sorting office is in Pickering.

    Broadband and connectivity

    Reliable broadband is a make-or-break factor for remote working and schooling. Check the property’s broadband speed with the provider before exchange and, if needed, budget for upgrades or alternative solutions (e.g. 4G/5G routers).

    Practical moving logistics

    • Removal firm: choose one with rural experience (narrow lanes, limited parking).
    • Access & parking: check whether the property has off-street parking or a car park nearby.
    • Deliveries: note that large deliveries may need local access arrangements.

    Settling your children into rural life

    • Enrol in local clubs (rugby, Scouts, Brownies) — small villages often have vibrant volunteer groups.
    • For younger children, arrange play dates early — meeting one family is enough to open doors.
    • Keep weekend routines flexible for outdoor exploration — woods, becks and nearby attractions become your local playground.

    Practical money checklist

    • Factor in higher heating costs for older homes.
    • Get quotes for insurance that covers rural issues (subsidence, thatch).
    • Check council tax band and waste collection arrangements.

    A short 90-day settling plan

    First 30 days: Register with a GP and register children at school (if needed); introduce yourselves to immediate neighbours. Sort broadband and set up utilities.
    30–60 days: Join a village group or community class.
    60–90 days: Explore local walking routes, maybe volunteer.

    Final words and resources

    Thornton-le-Dale is a lovely place for families who value community, access to nature and character homes — but it’s rural, so plan for travel, services and maintenance. Visit in different seasons if you can: winter feels different to summer. For latest village events and amenities, the parish and North York Moors sites are excellent starting points.

    We had passed through Thornton-Le-Dale so many times on our way to Dalby Forest with our youngest and always loved the feel of the village. Everyone has been so friendly and welcoming, and we fell in love with our house hte minute we saw it. We can’t wait to restore it to it’s former glory, with lots of TLC.

    Fay x

  • The Ultimate Family Life Guide to Thriving at Home (For Neurodiverse Families)

    The Ultimate Family Life Guide to Thriving at Home (For Neurodiverse Families)

    Thriving Together in a Neurodiverse Home

    Family life looks different for everyone — especially in a neurodiverse household, where each member brings unique strengths, needs, and ways of experiencing the world. If there is one thing I’ve learnt over the past 20 years, creating a thriving home isn’t about perfection; it’s about designing systems, spaces, and rhythms that support everyone’s brains and bodies.

    This guide explores practical, compassionate ways to build balance — whether you’re parenting children with ADHD or autism, managing your own executive function, or simply seeking a calmer, more connected home environment.

    At the moment, we dont have a norm. For the past 3 years since our youngest started secondary school, we’ve been dealing with EBSA (Emotionally Based School Avoidance) and trying to find him the right learning environment. Alongside that we have two older boys who are at University and in the Army, their trips home are infrequent and can be short notice. Oh, and of course, we decided to add into the mix the purchase and renovation of our beautiful grade 11 listed home in Thornton Le Dale just for fun.

    1. Understanding Neurodiverse Family Life

    No two neurodiverse families are the same, but there are common threads that can help shape a supportive environment. Neurodiversity includes differences such as ADHD, autism, dyslexia, dyspraxia, learning and sensory processing differences — all of which influence how we communicate, plan, and interact.

    Key Principles:

    • Celebrate strengths: Every family member brings unique problem-solving abilities, creativity, or focus areas.
    • Prioritise predictability: Consistent routines reduce anxiety and decision fatigue. This really helps us!
    • Support sensory regulation: Lighting, textures, and noise levels deeply affect how safe and comfortable everyone feels.
    • Reduce judgement: “Normal” doesn’t exist — build systems that work for your family, not anyone else’s. It took me a long time to learn not to care about what other people think.

    2. Designing a Neurodiverse-Friendly Home

    A home that helps your family thrive doesn’t need to be minimalist or “perfectly tidy”, in fact it rarely will be. It needs to be functional, flexible, and soothing.

    Sensory-Aware Spaces

    • Use soft lighting and dimmable bulbs to reduce visual overstimulation.
    • Create quiet corners or “retreat zones” for decompression after school or work.
    • Add weighted blankets, beanbags, or swings to meet sensory regulation needs.
    • Avoid strong synthetic scents or flickering lights.

    Organisation Systems that Actually Work

    Traditional systems often fail neurodiverse families because they rely on sustained executive function.

    Instead:

    • Label drawers and storage using visual cues (icons or photos).
    • Use clear bins for visibility.
    • Keep duplicates of key items (chargers, school jumpers) to reduce panic moments.
    • Use colour coding for family schedules.

    In our old home I had a ‘whiteboard’ wall planner (approx 3m x 2m) for the whole month, each member of the family had a different colour and all activities, work commitments, events etc. were written on there. It worked so well for us! We won’t have the room in the new house, so I’ll have to figure out something new… we might go digital!

    3. Building Realistic Family Routines

    Routines are the backbone of neurodiverse family life — but they must be flexible, not rigid.

    Tips for Sustainable Structure

    • Visual timetables or whiteboard schedules work better than verbal reminders.
    • Create “transition rituals” — small, predictable actions that help switch between tasks (e.g. a snack before school or a cuppa after work). Even the smallest transition can be triggering.
    • Keep “buffer time” between commitments; rushing triggers stress responses. Try not to make last minute changes where absolutely possible.
    • Use tech wisely: set smart reminders, shared calendars, and Alexa routines to externalise memory tasks.

    Morning & Evening Frameworks

    • Mornings: Minimise choices. Pre-pack bags and lay out clothes the night before.
    • Evenings: Establish a predictable wind-down sequence (screens off, soft light, calming activities).

    School bags were always packed the night before and even I laid out my clothes for the next day. However, when I hit peri-menopause and my symptoms were exarcebated, meant I struggled to cope with the routines we used to follow. Luckily, with our youngest’s needs being much higher, then we had to reduced expectations even more, which has allowed me to do the same, so we just about manage. And when we don’t, that’s okay, it’s not the end of the world!

    4. Communication and Emotional Regulation

    Open communication is essential in neurodiverse families — but it’s not always straightforward.

    Strategies for Connection

    • Use clear, literal language; avoid idioms that can confuse.
    • Encourage emotion naming using visual charts or “feelings thermometers.”
    • Model repair: it’s okay to apologise and reset after conflict.
    • Validate rather than minimise feelings — especially around sensory overload or frustration.

    Creating emotional safety means everyone knows they can express themselves without fear of shame.

    When our youngest was overwhelmed and dysregulated, he would begin to shut down and couldn’t verbalise how he felt. I found having visual charts and cards invauable to let him show me how he was feeling.

    5. Supporting Executive Function (for Kids & Adults)

    Executive function challenges — planning, organising, time management — are common in neurodiverse families.

    Instead of fighting them, design external systems that reduce mental load.

    Helpful Tools

    • Whiteboards or magnetic planners for shared visibility.
    • Timers or time-blocking apps to manage transitions.
    • Checklists for recurring tasks (morning routine, weekly reset).
    • Body doubling — working alongside another person to maintain focus.

    We pretty much used all of these, but visual checklists for self-care tasks were especially useful on a morning. And as we moved into the teen years then setting ‘times’ for app down-time etc. really helped signal transitions.

    6. Balancing Family Energy and Self-Care

    When one family member is dysregulated, it often ripples through everyone else.

    This makes self-care not optional, but essential.

    Family Self-Regulation Ideas:

    • Schedule quiet recovery days after social or sensory-heavy events.
    • Encourage parallel play or “alone together” time for downtime.
    • Parents: model rest. Your calm nervous system anchors the household. My kids will absolutely pick up on when one or both of us are stressed/dysregulated.

    I must admit this is probably one of the hardest thing for me. I rarely get time for myself, and a lot of my time is spent looking after others. I do make sure that at least once a week I have catch up drinks with either a friend or family. No phones, no computer, just a cold glass of Cava and good company!

    7. Embracing Joy and Imperfection

    Thriving at home doesn’t mean perfect systems or Instagram-worthy organisation.

    It means everyone feels seen, safe, and supported.
    Embrace humour, celebrate small wins, and recognise that the most meaningful progress often comes from learning together through chaos.

    Quite often the carefully curated image on Instagram, fails to show the absolute carnage that is either underneath or behind the shot! I keep that for the stories, but I will always show the reality too.

    Redefining “Thriving” for Neurodiverse Families

    A thriving neurodiverse family home is one built on understanding, compassion, and creativity — not conformity.
    When you design your routines, spaces, and systems around your family’s real needs, you unlock more energy for joy, connection, and growth.

    You don’t have to fit into the world’s definition of balance — you can build your own.

  • Restoring a Grade II Listed Victorian Farmhouse: Everything You Need to Know

    Restoring a Grade II Listed Victorian Farmhouse: Everything You Need to Know

    The promise and the reality

    Restoring a Grade II listed farmhouse gives you character, history and unique architecture — but it also brings legal obligations, specialist procurement and a patient timeline. This guide walks you through pre-purchase research, statutory consent, selecting professionals, budgeting and practical conservation approaches so you understand the full scope before committing, along with a couple of hints from what we’ve learned so far!

    What “Grade II listed” actually means

    A Grade II listing identifies a building of special architectural or historic interest. Any alteration that affects the character of the building requires Listed Building Consent from your local planning authority — even interior changes in many cases. Always consult your local conservation officer early: it can save time and avoid rejected applications.

    Key takeaway: Don’t assume “cosmetic” changes won’t need consent — if the work affects character, it likely needs formal approval.

    Pre-purchase due diligence

    Before exchange, carry out thorough checks:

    Essential reports

    • Full structural survey (not just a mortgage valuation).
    • Damp & timber report (timber frames, rot and insect damage are common in older buildings).
    • Roof and thatch inspection (if present).
    • Historic research — identify original features and previous alterations; some changes may be later additions you can alter more easily but not always.

    Red flags to watch for

    • Extensive rising damp requiring replacement of historic plaster.
    • Unsuitable modern interventions that are costly to reverse.
    • Unknown ownership of historic fixtures or curtilage structures (sheds, boundary walls).

    Planning, Listed Building Consent (LBC) and the local conservation officer

    Process overview

    1. Informal pre-application meeting with the conservation officer — discuss likely acceptability.
    2. Conservation architect or surveyor prepares detailed plans and heritage impact statement.
    3. Submit LBC application to the local authority (there’s no fee).
    4. Possible parallel planning application if extensions or external changes are planned.
    5. Work only after consent is granted — unauthorised work can lead to enforcement action.

    Historic England guidance and advice notes are a crucial reference when preparing applications and understanding what will and will not be acceptable.

    Working team: who you need

    • Conservation architect — essential for sympathetic design and LBC applications.
    • Heritage surveyor — structural and materials expertise.
    • Specialist tradespeople: lime plasterers, stone masons, thatchers, sash-window specialists, joiners skilled in traditional methods.
    • Project manager experienced with listed properties (recommended for complex projects).

    Tip: Ask for portfolios of previous listed-building work and references.

    Materials, methods and sustainability

    Traditional materials (lime mortar/plaster, sash windows, breathable insulation) preserve the building’s fabric and avoid long-term moisture problems.

    Thermal upgrades:

    • Internally insulate carefully (vapour-permeable systems).
    • Consider secondary glazing rather than replacing original sash windows where possible.
    • Modern insulation solutions must be chosen to avoid trapping moisture and damaging historic fabric.

    Note: Energy improvements often need sensitive detailing and may require LBC for visible changes.

    Typical costs and timescales

    Costs vary hugely; older roofs, structural timber work or thatch re-thatting substantially increase budgets. A realistic restoration timeline for a medium-scale Victorian farmhouse could be 12–24 months from detailed design to completion for complex work — longer when significant conservation is required.

    Budgeting tip: Add a 20–30% contingency for unforeseen issues (timber rot, hidden defects). We discovered a huge amount of woodworm, weevil infestation, dry rot, and damp throughout the property.

    Practical estimate categories

    • Surveys & designs: 2–5% of build budget.
    • Specialist conservation trades: high unit cost due to skill level.
    • Mechanical & electrical upgrades: necessary but must be sensitively integrated.

    (Refer to reputable trade quotes for accurate numbers in your area.)

    Finding and managing specialist trades

    • Source trades via conservation organisations, local conservation officers, or references from previously restored properties.
    • Use staged payments tied to milestones and require materials to be approved by you or the conservation architect.
    • Keep an annotated photographic record of all original details before work starts — this helps with conservation records and future resale.

    Dealing with common Victorian issues

    Damp & rising moisture: address source first (drainage, gutters), then repair breathably with lime-based products.
    Subsidence or settlement: get a structural engineer; underpinning or soil stabilisation may be needed.
    Original windows & doors: repair rather than replace where possible — joiners can draught-seal and repair sashes.
    Services (plumbing, electrics): route carefully to minimise cutting historic fabric; trunking and surface conduits may be preferable if reversible.

    Grants, tax and funding

    Grants for private residential restorations are limited; check with Historic England, local heritage trusts and your local authority for any small grants or advice programmes. Tax reliefs are rare for private homeowners, but VAT rules can sometimes apply to listed building repair works — seek professional tax advice early.

    Permissions beyond LBC

    • Planning permission may still be required for extensions or changes to curtilage.
    • Scheduled monument consent applies only if the building or land is scheduled (rare for typical farmhouses).
    • Building Regulations still apply for work affecting structure, drainage or fire safety — these are separate from LBC.

    Record-keeping and aftercare

    • Keep all consents, drawings and photographs together.
    • Prepare an operations manual describing maintenance schedules (thatched roof checks, stone repointing, timber treatment).
    • Regular small maintenance avoids bigger interventions later.

    Sample phased project plan (high level)

    1. Pre-purchase (1–2 months): surveys, research, pre-app advice.
    2. Design & consents (3–6 months): conservation architect drawings, LBC & planning.
    3. Tender & hiring (1–2 months): pick contractor, agree milestones.
    4. Works (6–18 months): structural, roof, services, finishes.
    5. Handover & maintenance planning (1 month): snagging, documentation.

    Final checklist before exchange

    • Historic surveys completed and reviewed.
    • Clear understanding of consents required.
    • Budget with contingency.
    • Quotes from specialist trades.
    • Evidence of where original features must be preserved.

    If in doubt: pause the purchase, get more specialist advice — once irreversible work is done, you can’t always put it back.

    Highlight: Discovering the two main reception rooms still had full height, working wooden shutters which were built in to the wall frames was possibly my happiest moment. That along with discovering old plans of the house in a trunk up in the eves!

    Lowlight: We found that a large portion of the woodwork in the house was affected by an untreated weevil infestation.

    Conclusion — heritage with responsibility

    A listed Victorian farmhouse rewards patience with character and a deep sense of place, but it asks for stewardship. We are merely guardians of the farmhouse: respecting its fabric, working with conservation professionals, planning finances carefully and documenting everything. The result is not merely a house restored — it’s history lived in and conserved for the future.

    Fay x

  • Jobs for People with ADHD

    Jobs for People with ADHD

    ADHD Strengths

    Prevalence of ADHD in adults in the UK

    NHS data suggests that around 3-4% of UK adults may have ADHD, although diagnosis rates are lower than this. Furthermore, due to greater awareness and improved access to health services, diagnoses are increasing. However, there are still long waiting lists across the UK, even within private diagnostic services. Historically, ADHD was more commonly diagnosed in children, but the demand for adult assessments has surged in recent years. If like me, you spent years moving from job to job/promotion to promotion, suddenly things make sense. Perfectionism, Rejection Sensitivity and Impulsivity are just some symptoms that don’t make sticking to the same job easy. So, are there such things as jobs for people with ADHD?

    ADHD Symptoms

    There are three presentations of ADHD (detailed here) and symptoms can vary greatly from person to person. There are also specific stages in life where symptoms can be exacerbated such as puberty for both sexes; and post-childbirth and menopause for women. Many women have lived the majority of their lives being misdiagnosed with anxiety or depression. They then find when they hit menopause (coincidently when their children may have not long been diagnosed themselves) that life becomes unbearably difficult.

    According to research, around 50-75% of women with ADHD are undiagnosed in childhood, often struggling with symptoms that are masked by coping mechanisms or misinterpreted as personality traits like being forgetful or disorganised. However, late diagnosis continues due to lingering misconceptions about how ADHD presents differently in males and females.

    ADHD Strengths

    We now know that neurodivergence brings with it some specific skills. What is even more exciting is that these skills are now highly sought after in the workplace! But what are those skills, how can you set yourself apart for NTs (neurotypicals) in the job market?

    • Ability to stay focused on a topic or activity of interest for long periods.
    • Outside-the-box thinking, which can lead to innovative solutions to challenges.
    • Strong observational skills and attention to detail.
    • Superior ability to recognise patterns, including in codes and behaviours.
    • Strong skills in areas such as music, art, technology, and science.

    Examples of Jobs for adults with ADHD

    Here are some job suggestions that align with your strengths, making them a good fit for individuals with ADHD:

    1. Creative Fields:
      • Graphic Designer
      • Photographer
      • Writer/Journalist
      • Marketing Specialist
      • Video Editor
    2. Entrepreneurship:
      • Freelancer (design, writing, consulting, etc.)
      • Small Business Owner
    3. Fast-paced or Physical Jobs:
      • Event Planner
      • Chef or Cook
      • Paramedic
      • Sales Representative
      • Personal Trainer
    4. Helping Professions:
      • Teacher (particularly special education and early education)
      • Therapist or Counselor
      • Social Worker
      • Nurse
    5. Tech & Engineering:
      • Software Developer
      • IT Specialist
      • Data Analyst
    6. Project-based Work:
      • Consultant
      • Architect
      • Researcher
      • Project Manager
    7. Outdoor or Active Work:
      • Landscape Gardener
      • Construction Worker
      • Gamekeeper
      • Land Manager / Park Ranger

    It’s important to consider environments that provide flexibility, and clear structure when needed. Finding a career that plays to your strengths, can lead to long-term satisfaction and success.

    Fay x

  • 5 Tips To Improve Your Mood Everyday

    5 Tips To Improve Your Mood Everyday

    Improve Your Mood Every Day

    Some days, life is easy, life is good, and everything seems bright.  But living with a mental health condition, neurodivergent brain or parenting a SEN child, can mean a lot of days aren’t easy, aren’t good and really don’t seem bright at all.

    It is estimated that around 1 in 5 of the world’s children and adolescents have a mental illness*. Depression is one of the leading causes of disability, affecting 264 million people*.  And almost a quarter of adults living under lockdown in the UK have felt loneliness, raising concern about the long-term risk to mental health**.

    *Source: WHO

    ** Source: MentalHealth.Org

    The significance of mental well-being and knowing how to improve your mood daily has never been more important, for ourselves and for our kids…

    5 Tips To Improve Your Mood Every Day

    1. Connect with People

    Good relationships are a great way to improve your mood and help your mental well-being. There are lots of things you could try to help build stronger and closer relationships.  Call a friend you haven’t spoken to for a while.  Sit down with the family for dinner.  Volunteering in your local community is a great way to help and connect with new people at the same time.

    2. Mindfulness

    There has been a lot of talk about mindfulness over the last few years.  Basically, it’s all about appreciating the present. This includes your thoughts and feelings as well as the world around you.  Practising mindfulness can improve your mood every day and is a great coping strategy for anxiety, depression and stress.

    From keeping a journal to meditation, read more about mindfulness and how to practise every day.

    3. Get Active

    Exercise is not only great for your physical well-being but also a great way to improve your mood.  Whatever takes your fancy.  So if going to the gym and pumping iron for several hours is your thing, then do that.  If cycling, swimming, or tennis is your thing, then do that.  There is so much available online nowadays that you don’t even have to leave the house to stay active.  However, even something as simple as taking a daily walk for 10/15 mins a day.

    For some simple free ideas to get active, click here.

    4. Learn a New Skill

    Studies show that learning a new skill can also improve your mood.  Giving you a sense of purpose and boosting your self-confidence.  This doesn’t need to be a whole new hobby; there are lots of different ways to learn a new skill.

    It can be as simple as learning to cook a new dish or redecorating a room at home.  Maybe you have always fancied learning a musical instrument.  Or maybe go back to college and take a class in something you’ve always wanted to learn more about.

    5. Give To Others

    One of the easiest and most rewarding ways to improve your mood daily is to give to others.  This can be the simplest act of kindness, like a smile or paying a compliment to someone on the street.  Or maybe check on an elderly neighbour and check if they need anything.

    If you’d like to do more, then why not look for ways to volunteer in your local community?  Maybe work some hours in a local charity shop, donate food or time to your local food bank.

    It really isn’t easy to improve your mood sometimes, especially when you are stuck in a rut or at a low point.  But making that effort to do even the littlest of things once a day can make all the difference.  We can do this, together.

    Fay x

    The mental health charity Mind also offers information about the 5 ways to well-being.

    If you are worried about yourself or someone you love, then please check out this NHS list of helplines and support groups.

  • ADHD, Autism and Transition

    ADHD, Autism and Transition

    ADHD, Autism and Transition

    Transition can be tricky for everyone, especially for those with ADHD and Autism (ASC). These conditions can make shifting gears between activities, places, or routines hard. Both Sam and I struggle with transition, and while Sam is still learning how to cope and support himself, I can at least recognise the signs in both of us and support him as best I can.

    What is a transition?

    The English dictionary describes transition as ‘a change from one form or type to another, or the process by which this happens.’

    We all think about obvious transitions in our lives, like moving house or marriage. But there are everyday transitions that lots of people won’t even realise are transitions. Transitions that, for most people, are taken completely for granted.

    Examples of BIG transitions

    • Starting or ending a romantic relationship
    • Becoming a parent
    • Experiencing a loss
    • Reaching milestone ages
    • Serious illness or injury
    • Starting/moving school
    • Changing career
    • Retirement
    • Moving to a new home
    • Travelling abroad

    Examples of everyday transitions

    • Waking up from sleep to getting out of bed.
    • Finishing breakfast and getting dressed.
    • Leaving the house and starting your commute.
    • Switching between different tasks/subjects throughout the day.
    • Shifting from work or school to home/relaxation.
    • Finishing dinner and starting your evening routine
    • Winding down from the day and preparing for sleep.
    • Putting away electronics and getting into pyjamas.
    • Falling asleep and transitioning from wakefulness to rest.

    Sam, in particular, struggles with the transition of getting ready for school. Up until recently, it had not occurred to me that this was a transition, despite me having my own coping mechanisms to deal with the same morning transition. I’ll try and do as much as I can the night before, look out clothes, pack bag, look out lunch, set out travel mug ready to just fill in the morning, etc. All these little things mean I have way fewer stresses on my executive function to deal with when I’m getting ready.

    So why do those with ADHD and Autism struggle in particular with transition?

    There’s a two-pronged answer to why people with ADHD and ASC struggle with transitions:

    1. Challenges for Both ADHD and ASC:

    • Executive Functioning: Both conditions can affect executive functioning skills like planning, organising, and shifting focus. Transitions require these skills to mentally prepare for the next activity, making them inherently difficult.
    • Predictability and Routine: Furthermore, ADHD and ASC often thrive on predictability and routine. Transitions disrupt established routines and introduce uncertainty, which can be anxiety-provoking and disorienting.
    • Sensory Processing: Many individuals with ADHD or ASC experience sensory sensitivities. Changes in the environment or stimulation during transitions can overwhelm and disrupt focus.

    2. Specific Challenges:

    • ADHD:
      • Hyperfocus and Inertia: People with ADHD can become hyperfocused, making it hard to switch gears away from a rewarding activity. Conversely, starting a new activity can feel overwhelming, leading to inertia (resistance to starting).
      • Time Management and Emotional Regulation: Transitions often involve time constraints, and people with ADHD may struggle to estimate time accurately, making transitions feel rushed and stressful. Additionally, managing emotions like frustration or anxiety during transitions can be challenging.
      • Reward System: Some theories suggest ADHD brains have a different reward system. Transitions disrupt the flow of the current activity, which can be less rewarding, making it harder to switch gears.
    • ASC:
      • Social Cues: Understanding social cues related to transitions can be difficult for someone with ASC. Body language or facial expressions signalling a transition might be missed, leading to confusion or frustration.
      • Need for Processing Time: People with ASC may need more processing time to adjust to changes. Transitions can feel abrupt and overwhelming without this time to prepare mentally.

    Remember, the severity of these challenges varies for each individual. Understanding these factors can help us develop strategies to support people with ADHD and ASC through transitions.

    For me, it is mostly executive function, so for morning struggles, as said, I try to do as much as possible in advance. However, I also need a lot of processing time, so having to get myself and two boys ready means getting up 30 minutes earlier so I can get myself ready, and then focus on them when I wake them.

    Sam struggles with not only the transition of getting ready, but also the sensory side of the school uniform. Seams being noticeable, clothes being tight or restrictive and scratchy fabrics close to skin can all be triggers for him. Add to that his need for predictability and routine, trying to regulate his emotions in a new situation, and his struggle with any loss of autonomy, then, as you can imagine, transition days in his new school are proving tough.

    So how can we help?

    Here are some tips for both ADHD and ASC:

    • Prepare for Change: Announce upcoming transitions well in advance, both verbally and visually (with timers, pictures, or checklists). Sam doesn’t cope with a lot of verbal interaction in the morning, so a lot of our cues are visual hand signals and pictures.
    • Chunk it Down: Break down large transitions into smaller, more manageable steps.
    • Provide Choices: Offer some control over the transition process (e.g., picking a goodbye song or choosing which shoes to wear first). For Sam, this works well as it really gives him the feeling of being in control.
    • Create a Predictable Routine: Establish routines for before, during, and after transitions to provide a sense of security.
    • Sensory Support: For sensory sensitivities, offer calming tools like fidget toys or noise-cancelling headphones during transitions. I never go anywhere without my fidget toy! For Sam, ensuring his socks are right makes a huge difference to the rest of the transition.

    Additional Tips for ASC:

    • Social Cues: Help with interpreting social cues related to transitions, like body language or facial expressions.
    • Safe Space: Provide a designated quiet space to de-stimulate after a busy transition. I love the drive home after work on my own to regulate myself. Sam loves a dark, quiet room when he’s particularly struggling.

    So, as we move from Easter holidays to BTS tomorrow morning, wish us luck. Not only are we transitioning from holidays to term time, but also the simple transition of getting ready and out of the house. And Sam is transitioning to a whole new school!

    Morning is definitely a hard transition for all of us. Another small transition I personally struggle with is moving from task to task at work. And big transitions I struggle with are travelling abroad and moving house. Do you have particular transitions that you struggle with? What have you found that helps?

    Fay x

  • Emotionally Based School Avoidance – All in the Mind?

    Emotionally Based School Avoidance – All in the Mind?

    Emotionally Based School Avoidance – All in the Mind?

    In comparison to the end of last week, when Sam visited his new school and spent some time in class. This week was the complete opposite. I knew very little about Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA) until last year when Sam had issues accessing school. ESBA is a term used to describe children and young people who experience significant difficulties attending school due to negative emotions and anxieties.

    Here’s a breakdown of ESBA:

    • Emotional Triggers: Anxiety, fear, or other negative emotions are the main reasons a child avoids school.
    • Difficulties Attending: These can range from occasional absences to complete school refusal.
    • Not Truancy: ESBA differs from truancy, where a child skips school intentionally without a valid reason.

    Causes of ESBA can vary but may include:

    • Bullying
    • Social anxieties
    • Specific learning difficulties
    • Transitions (e.g., starting a new school)
    • Mental health conditions like depression

    Transition & Change

    For Sam, the transition to a mainstream secondary school had been too much. As the weeks and months went by his ability to cope reduced. Despite every effort to integrate his level of study into a mainstream setting, he became more and more dysregulated. His differences became more obvious, and the once-happy boy I knew became withdrawn and angry.

    The fight to get him into a specialist setting more adept at educating him and letting him thrive wasn’t anywhere near as bad as some families I know, and for that I am thankful. Yet it wasn’t without its struggles either. However, as many of you know we managed to secure his place for this Sept at the school of our choice. I thought the fight was over. How wrong I was…

    It’s not a choice!

    By this time Sam was accessing school less and less, and by Spring Term we were lucky if he managed to go to school once a week. School have offered various solutions, but they’ve all just been too little too late. The damage was done by then and he would shut down at the mere mention of school. To some, this is hard to understand. They can’t see past the behaviour, so see a kid refusing to go to school and ‘getting away with it’. What they don’t see is the emotional turmoil the child goes through just trying to access that education and the dysregulation it causes if they do manage to get to class.

    Here’s a snapshot of the current situation in the UK:

    • Sharp Increase: Persistent absence rates (missing 10% of school) have soared since the pandemic. In the 2022/23 Autumn term, 22.3% of pupils were persistently absent, compared to 10.9% pre-pandemic (2018/19) – more than doubling [Anna Freud, Children’s Commissioner].
    • Underlying Issues: EBSA is the root cause for a significant portion of this increase. While exact numbers are tricky to pinpoint, estimates suggest 1-2% of those missing school persistently do so due to emotional reasons [Absolutely Education UK].
    • SEND and EBSA: Children with Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND) are particularly vulnerable. Absence rates for pupils with an Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP) are significantly higher (12.1% vs 6.8% without SEN Support) [Beyond Autism].

    Additional Points:

    • Pre-existing Trend: Even before the pandemic, persistent absence rates were steadily increasing.
    • Mental Health Connection: Many experts believe the pandemic exacerbated mental health issues in children, contributing to EBSA.
    • Impact on Learning: Missing significant school time can have a detrimental impact on a child’s education.

    A Long Road to Recovery

    Having had such a positive step with Sam the week before, I wrongly forgot just how much he struggles with transition and change. When Monday came he flat out refused to go to school. A transition morning that Wednesday for all the new kids starting in Sept (3 plus Sam) seemed like a good opportunity for Sam to try again, as he wouldn’t be the only new kid. We managed to get as far as the school reception, I could see he was struggling. We went home and he had one of his worst days in a long time in terms of dysregulation, and meltdowns. I haven’t felt such a failure in a long time.

    He’s begun asking to go to his mainstream school instead (it’s familiar and ‘comfortable’ in a weird way). They even offered alternative provision but I’ve not taken up the offer as I think it will just confuse him. For me, we have to remove all other options and let him focus on accessing his new setting. He has so many negative emotions associated with school, it’s gonna take time.

    I’m the worst mum in the world as I’m making him move to a new school, make new friends and get to know new teachers. Right now he can’t see past that change. It’s going to be a long process. It’s so funny how many people asked me after Friday ‘So, is that him all settled now?’. If only it were that easy. Parents of SEND kids and those struggling with Emotionally Based School Avoidance will completely understand the journey.

    In the meantime, I still haven’t heard from CAMHS about his further assessments. Until I hear from them, then I don’t know exactly what he is being assessed for. I feel utterly lost if I’m honest. He’s struggling so hard and it’s difficult to watch, I know it will take time. In the meantime, we still don’t know his actual diagnosis to ensure we are correctly supporting him. Develop strategies that will actually help him, rather than possibly trigger him. So it’s off to hyperfocus on all things EBSA for a bit, will see you on the other side…

    Fay x