How Felicity Finds

Category: AuDHD & Menopause

  • The Complex Trio: How ADHD, Autism, and Menopause Impact Sleep

    The Complex Trio: How ADHD, Autism, and Menopause Impact Sleep

    The Complex Trio: How ADHD, Autism, and Menopause Impact Sleep

    For many women (myself included), menopause brings a wave of changes, and disrupted sleep is often a frustrating symptom. I found it to be the hardest symptom of menopause to cope with, and HRT didn’t help. But what if you also have to navigate the complexities of ADHD or autism? This trifecta can create a perfect storm for sleep issues. Here’s why and what you can do to reclaim restful nights.

    The Science Behind Sleep Disruption:

    • Menopause and Sleep: Fluctuations in estrogen and progesterone during menopause can disrupt the body’s natural sleep-wake cycle, leading to hot flashes, night sweats, and difficulty falling asleep1
    • ADHD and Sleep: People with ADHD often experience hyperarousal, making it difficult to wind down before bed. Additionally, sleep problems can worsen ADHD symptoms, like inattention and impulsivity
    • Autism and Sleep: Sensory sensitivities and social anxiety can make it challenging to relax and fall asleep. Disruptions in routine, a common feature of autism, can further exacerbate sleep problems.

    The Interconnected Web:

    These conditions can create a vicious cycle. Poor sleep can worsen ADHD symptoms like inattention and impulsivity, making it harder to manage daily tasks and stress, which can then further disrupt sleep. Similarly, sleep deprivation can exacerbate anxiety and sensory sensitivities in individuals with autism.

    Strategies for a More Restful You:

    • Establish a Consistent Sleep Schedule: Go to bed and wake up at the same time each day, even on weekends, to regulate your body’s natural sleep-wake cycle2.
    • Create a Relaxing Bedtime Routine: Develop a calming pre-sleep ritual that includes taking a warm bath, reading a book, or practising gentle stretches.
    • Optimise Your Sleep Environment: Make your bedroom cool, dark, and quiet. Invest in blackout curtains, earplugs, and a comfortable mattress3.
    • Manage Menopausal Symptoms: Talk to your doctor about options to manage hot flashes and night sweats, such as hormone replacement therapy (HRT) or lifestyle modifications like avoiding caffeine and spicy foods before bed4.
    • Address Underlying ADHD/Autism Needs: Consider cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) to manage ADHD symptoms and build healthy sleep habits. For individuals with autism, addressing sensory sensitivities and creating predictable routines can promote better sleep.
    • Light and Exercise: Get regular exposure to natural light during the day, but avoid screens in the evening. Regular exercise, ideally several hours before bedtime, can improve sleep quality.

    What helped me:

    While HRT did get rid of the night sweats pretty much immediately, I still really struggled with sleep. It was definitely the most debilitating symptom of menopause, which I now know was due to my ADHD, too. Over the last 8 years, I’ve tried a lot of aids to try and help. The two below ensure I always have a great night’s sleep.

    • This Works Sleep Plus Pillow Spray: A supersized, fast-acting, motion-activated sleep spray for restless sleepers. 99% natural with encapsulated Lavender, Camomile and Vetivert essential oils, shown to help restore normal sleep patterns. I cannot recommend this highly enough for helping you just get off to sleep every evening. £38.00, 100ml.
    • Nu Mind Wellness Menopause Supplement: #AFF An all-in-one formula combines 40 scientifically backed ingredients expertly blended to effectively manage the symptoms of perimenopause, menopause & beyond. One daily sachet delivers 6 powerful formulas – a multivitamin, minerals, adaptogens, flower remedies, menopause support blend and more – working together to help you reclaim your calm during menopause. This, for me, was an absolute game-changer and has transformed my sleep! I couldn’t be without these supplements. £74.99, 30-day supply (or save 25% using my affiliate link above).

    Remember, you’re not alone! Millions of women navigate this complex web of challenges. By understanding the connections between ADHD, autism, menopause, and sleep, you can implement strategies to promote better rest and reclaim your well-being.

    Fay x

    1. ADHD, Menopause and Insomnia | ADHD, Menopause and Me (adhdmenopauseandme.co.uk) ↩︎
    2. Sleep Hygiene – What is it? | Wellbeing | ADHD, Menopause and Me (adhdmenopauseandme.co.uk) ↩︎
    3. How Much Sleep Do You Need? | Sleep Foundation ↩︎
    4. Perimenopause Diet | 5 Things I’ve cut from my diet | How Felicity Finds ↩︎
  • Jobs for People with ADHD

    Jobs for People with ADHD

    ADHD Strengths

    Prevalence of ADHD in adults in the UK

    NHS data suggests that around 3-4% of UK adults may have ADHD, although diagnosis rates are lower than this. Furthermore, due to greater awareness and improved access to health services, diagnoses are increasing. However, there are still long waiting lists across the UK, even within private diagnostic services. Historically, ADHD was more commonly diagnosed in children, but the demand for adult assessments has surged in recent years. If like me, you spent years moving from job to job/promotion to promotion, suddenly things make sense. Perfectionism, Rejection Sensitivity and Impulsivity are just some symptoms that don’t make sticking to the same job easy. So, are there such things as jobs for people with ADHD?

    ADHD Symptoms

    There are three presentations of ADHD (detailed here) and symptoms can vary greatly from person to person. There are also specific stages in life where symptoms can be exacerbated such as puberty for both sexes; and post-childbirth and menopause for women. Many women have lived the majority of their lives being misdiagnosed with anxiety or depression. They then find when they hit menopause (coincidently when their children may have not long been diagnosed themselves) that life becomes unbearably difficult.

    According to research, around 50-75% of women with ADHD are undiagnosed in childhood, often struggling with symptoms that are masked by coping mechanisms or misinterpreted as personality traits like being forgetful or disorganised. However, late diagnosis continues due to lingering misconceptions about how ADHD presents differently in males and females.

    ADHD Strengths

    We now know that neurodivergence brings with it some specific skills. What is even more exciting is that these skills are now highly sought after in the workplace! But what are those skills, how can you set yourself apart for NTs (neurotypicals) in the job market?

    • Ability to stay focused on a topic or activity of interest for long periods.
    • Outside-the-box thinking, which can lead to innovative solutions to challenges.
    • Strong observational skills and attention to detail.
    • Superior ability to recognise patterns, including in codes and behaviours.
    • Strong skills in areas such as music, art, technology, and science.

    Examples of Jobs for adults with ADHD

    Here are some job suggestions that align with your strengths, making them a good fit for individuals with ADHD:

    1. Creative Fields:
      • Graphic Designer
      • Photographer
      • Writer/Journalist
      • Marketing Specialist
      • Video Editor
    2. Entrepreneurship:
      • Freelancer (design, writing, consulting, etc.)
      • Small Business Owner
    3. Fast-paced or Physical Jobs:
      • Event Planner
      • Chef or Cook
      • Paramedic
      • Sales Representative
      • Personal Trainer
    4. Helping Professions:
      • Teacher (particularly special education and early education)
      • Therapist or Counselor
      • Social Worker
      • Nurse
    5. Tech & Engineering:
      • Software Developer
      • IT Specialist
      • Data Analyst
    6. Project-based Work:
      • Consultant
      • Architect
      • Researcher
      • Project Manager
    7. Outdoor or Active Work:
      • Landscape Gardener
      • Construction Worker
      • Gamekeeper
      • Land Manager / Park Ranger

    It’s important to consider environments that provide flexibility, and clear structure when needed. Finding a career that plays to your strengths, can lead to long-term satisfaction and success.

    Fay x

  • ADHD, Autism and Transition

    ADHD, Autism and Transition

    ADHD, Autism and Transition

    Transition can be tricky for everyone, especially for those with ADHD and Autism (ASC). These conditions can make shifting gears between activities, places, or routines hard. Both Sam and I struggle with transition, and while Sam is still learning how to cope and support himself, I can at least recognise the signs in both of us and support him as best I can.

    What is a transition?

    The English dictionary describes transition as ‘a change from one form or type to another, or the process by which this happens.’

    We all think about obvious transitions in our lives, like moving house or marriage. But there are everyday transitions that lots of people won’t even realise are transitions. Transitions that, for most people, are taken completely for granted.

    Examples of BIG transitions

    • Starting or ending a romantic relationship
    • Becoming a parent
    • Experiencing a loss
    • Reaching milestone ages
    • Serious illness or injury
    • Starting/moving school
    • Changing career
    • Retirement
    • Moving to a new home
    • Travelling abroad

    Examples of everyday transitions

    • Waking up from sleep to getting out of bed.
    • Finishing breakfast and getting dressed.
    • Leaving the house and starting your commute.
    • Switching between different tasks/subjects throughout the day.
    • Shifting from work or school to home/relaxation.
    • Finishing dinner and starting your evening routine
    • Winding down from the day and preparing for sleep.
    • Putting away electronics and getting into pyjamas.
    • Falling asleep and transitioning from wakefulness to rest.

    Sam, in particular, struggles with the transition of getting ready for school. Up until recently, it had not occurred to me that this was a transition, despite me having my own coping mechanisms to deal with the same morning transition. I’ll try and do as much as I can the night before, look out clothes, pack bag, look out lunch, set out travel mug ready to just fill in the morning, etc. All these little things mean I have way fewer stresses on my executive function to deal with when I’m getting ready.

    So why do those with ADHD and Autism struggle in particular with transition?

    There’s a two-pronged answer to why people with ADHD and ASC struggle with transitions:

    1. Challenges for Both ADHD and ASC:

    • Executive Functioning: Both conditions can affect executive functioning skills like planning, organising, and shifting focus. Transitions require these skills to mentally prepare for the next activity, making them inherently difficult.
    • Predictability and Routine: Furthermore, ADHD and ASC often thrive on predictability and routine. Transitions disrupt established routines and introduce uncertainty, which can be anxiety-provoking and disorienting.
    • Sensory Processing: Many individuals with ADHD or ASC experience sensory sensitivities. Changes in the environment or stimulation during transitions can overwhelm and disrupt focus.

    2. Specific Challenges:

    • ADHD:
      • Hyperfocus and Inertia: People with ADHD can become hyperfocused, making it hard to switch gears away from a rewarding activity. Conversely, starting a new activity can feel overwhelming, leading to inertia (resistance to starting).
      • Time Management and Emotional Regulation: Transitions often involve time constraints, and people with ADHD may struggle to estimate time accurately, making transitions feel rushed and stressful. Additionally, managing emotions like frustration or anxiety during transitions can be challenging.
      • Reward System: Some theories suggest ADHD brains have a different reward system. Transitions disrupt the flow of the current activity, which can be less rewarding, making it harder to switch gears.
    • ASC:
      • Social Cues: Understanding social cues related to transitions can be difficult for someone with ASC. Body language or facial expressions signalling a transition might be missed, leading to confusion or frustration.
      • Need for Processing Time: People with ASC may need more processing time to adjust to changes. Transitions can feel abrupt and overwhelming without this time to prepare mentally.

    Remember, the severity of these challenges varies for each individual. Understanding these factors can help us develop strategies to support people with ADHD and ASC through transitions.

    For me, it is mostly executive function, so for morning struggles, as said, I try to do as much as possible in advance. However, I also need a lot of processing time, so having to get myself and two boys ready means getting up 30 minutes earlier so I can get myself ready, and then focus on them when I wake them.

    Sam struggles with not only the transition of getting ready, but also the sensory side of the school uniform. Seams being noticeable, clothes being tight or restrictive and scratchy fabrics close to skin can all be triggers for him. Add to that his need for predictability and routine, trying to regulate his emotions in a new situation, and his struggle with any loss of autonomy, then, as you can imagine, transition days in his new school are proving tough.

    So how can we help?

    Here are some tips for both ADHD and ASC:

    • Prepare for Change: Announce upcoming transitions well in advance, both verbally and visually (with timers, pictures, or checklists). Sam doesn’t cope with a lot of verbal interaction in the morning, so a lot of our cues are visual hand signals and pictures.
    • Chunk it Down: Break down large transitions into smaller, more manageable steps.
    • Provide Choices: Offer some control over the transition process (e.g., picking a goodbye song or choosing which shoes to wear first). For Sam, this works well as it really gives him the feeling of being in control.
    • Create a Predictable Routine: Establish routines for before, during, and after transitions to provide a sense of security.
    • Sensory Support: For sensory sensitivities, offer calming tools like fidget toys or noise-cancelling headphones during transitions. I never go anywhere without my fidget toy! For Sam, ensuring his socks are right makes a huge difference to the rest of the transition.

    Additional Tips for ASC:

    • Social Cues: Help with interpreting social cues related to transitions, like body language or facial expressions.
    • Safe Space: Provide a designated quiet space to de-stimulate after a busy transition. I love the drive home after work on my own to regulate myself. Sam loves a dark, quiet room when he’s particularly struggling.

    So, as we move from Easter holidays to BTS tomorrow morning, wish us luck. Not only are we transitioning from holidays to term time, but also the simple transition of getting ready and out of the house. And Sam is transitioning to a whole new school!

    Morning is definitely a hard transition for all of us. Another small transition I personally struggle with is moving from task to task at work. And big transitions I struggle with are travelling abroad and moving house. Do you have particular transitions that you struggle with? What have you found that helps?

    Fay x

  • 10 Signs I Have ADHD (from my childhood)

    10 Signs I Have ADHD (from my childhood)

    I was lying awake last night; as often it does, my brain ran away at 100 miles an hour. That’s when it came to me, I remembered how when I was young at school, I was always daydreaming. And in fact, I used to fall asleep quite a lot too. Suddenly, more memories started to flood back, and the signs that I have ADHD seemed really obvious.

    It’s been reported in The Observer that Dr Tony Lloyd of the ADHD Foundation charity suggested there has been a 400% increase in the number of adults seeking diagnosis since 2020. I know that one of the biggest factors when looking at ADHD in older women is whether the symptoms were there in childhood. So I thought it’d probably be a good indicator to go back over my younger life.

    1. Fatigue

    I slept a lot! I was still having a nap every day when I started primary school – the boys did too. And remember, quite often falling asleep in class for a long time (even into secondary school!).

    2. Daydreaming

    I daydreamed a lot too. In fact, I think it was commented on in pretty much every school report I had in primary school. I still remember being pulled up on it in secondary school for it but knew by then I had to feign interest at least. Or wangle sitting at the window near the back to hide LOL.

    3. Exaggerated Emotional Responses

    I was always dramatic, but coming from an ‘Am Dram’ (Amateur Dramatic) family I guess it was just taken as par for the course. But I remember ‘feeling’ things a lot deeper than others. I could read a room at the drop of a hat and I learnt that my gut was always spot on very early.

    4. Cries easily

    Following on from above, I really do remember crying a lot. Crying with happiness, crying in pain, whatever the emotion I would pretty much always cry (and I still do), even a 30-sec advert could make me cry.

    5. Disorganised and messy

    I was never very good at tidying my room and luckily I had a room of my own, but I do remember the feeling of calm when it was tidy. I learned early on that I much preferred a tidy environment, to the point of extreme. My school books and work were always immaculate, as is my work desk now. However, my bedroom floor was, and is, always covered in clothes; and don’t even ask to see in my car now.

    6. Highly sensitive to noise and fabrics

    I always remember labels on clothes annoying me massively, to the point of distraction. But I thought everyone was the same, it wasn’t till I saw my boys cutting their labels out (I wouldn’t have dared LOL) and read up, I realised it was Sensory Processing Disorder.

    I like my music loud, the louder the better, and I listen to the same song or album over and over for months at a time. Whilst more than one person talking to/near me makes me want to scream in pain, when I need to concentrate, then loud music is an absolute must. It drowns out the constant ‘noise’ in my head. My own internal monologue follows me through life 24/7.

    7. Slamming Doors

    Now this is absolutely me, I still slam doors to this day, and I find it really hard not to when I’m angry. I noticed that Sam does the same, and between us, we have broken so many door fixings. I remember doing it when I’d left home and lived with my first husband (I had a lot to be angry about). No memories of massively doing when I was young and at home, but then I don’t remember being that angry then.

    Often late (poor time management)

    Now this is a funny one, as until menopause, I was never late, like never ever. So, on initial glance, this looks like one that doesn’t fit me. But taking some time to look a little closer, I realised that actually I (with help from mum) had just developed an extreme coping strategy to help. I would always be very, very early. I would be super early for school, I would be super early for work, and I would be stupidly early for travelling anywhere. I even rehearsed/planned journeys to ensure my timings were accurate.

    Poor Self-Image

    I’ve always struggled with my self-image, bullied through my junior years of primary school. I learned that humour was my coping mechanism. I spent secondary school knowing I didn’t ‘fit in’, but luckily found my tribe, and we hid in the music block. I have always struggled to look in the mirror and never really look at myself and think I look nice.

    Takes Time to Process Information

    For as long as I can remember, I would always say ‘what’ after someone spoke to me. I remember because my mum would always correct me (as I do with my boys now) and say ‘Pardon, not what! However, before whoever was speaking could repeat what they had said, I would have replied. I still do it now, and I know now that it isn’t because I wasn’t listening or didn’t hear, but because it takes my brain a little bit longer to process what a person has just said.

    ADHD Combined Type

    Looking back now, I can see the signs that I have ADHD so clearly. But for a lot of girls and women, as it was for me, it is brushed off as hormones. As being too this or too that; as having depression or anxiety. We don’t display the classic ‘hyperactive naughty behaviour’ that is still so intrinsically linked to ADHD. Our hyperactivity is quite often in the mind a lot of the time, a brain racing that never stops. The inattentive trait is fobbed off as daydreaming. Our impulsivity can be seen in relationships or purchase habits, rather than in dangerous play or activities.

    So, how did you first realise you may have ADHD? Can you see the same symptoms in your childhood?! I’d love to know your experience in the comments below.

    Fay x